I did not know how to avoid toxic people. My life sucked. I had pain and misery.
Happier men have good relationships. You either have a good wife with the ability to walk away at anytime or are not married.
You cannot hope to be happy if your marriage sucks. Your marriage will make you or break you.
My marriage broke me.
My wife was critical, belittling, demanding and verbally abusive. It was not until I left her and started to heal that my life got better.
No matter how hard you work on other aspects of your life, if you are married to the wrong woman, you will not be happy. If you are in a bad job, you will not be happy. If the people you are around most of time are negative, you will not be happy.
Happier Men are not pushed around
Let’s face it. Most of the world is set up to push us around.
The world just expects us to take it’s abuse.
Or, you can realize that this is how it is and work around all this stupid bs and live a life where you laugh at all this.
Illegitimi non carborundum.
Latin for –
Don’t Let the bastards grind you down.
Happier Men Treat People Well
You can live by the golden rule. There is no reason to treat others poorly. Especially the people closest to us. The world will be a fantastically better place with more happier men the more you avoid toxic people.
A crazy person will destroy you if you let them.
In a battle between a crazy person and a normal person, the crazy person wins.
There is no way to win.
You can only retreat.
My now ex-wife could be considered crazy. Perhaps she is bi-polar or manic depressive or paranoid schizophrenic or something else. No one bothered to tell me, her husband.
So I spent years dealing with this person, thinking that she loved me.
That is why it hurts so much, I chose her, or she chose me and I went with it.
I feel like I was duped into being with her. I thought she loved me, but looking back it was just her using me.
It is not totally bad...now. Both kids live with me and they are doing as well as can be expected. I am more worried about me, than them. After all, they did not choose her, they were just born by her. I am the one who chose.
I think this is why I have such a hard time with women now. I cannot look at a picture of a woman on a dating site without wondering if she is a crazy woman who will destroy me,
This is part of the reason that men have such a hard time after divorce, you are wondering if you are going to make another mistake of epic proportions.
Maybe I have some sort of wish for extremely short term relationships. Maybe I am incapable of finding someone that is decent. Looking back I enjoyed short flings and long term relationships never worked out.
But getting back to crazy.
I think that the way governments work is that the craziest people make it to the top, and the rest of us non-crazy more normal people let them. It is too much work to deal with them.
In the terrible years after my divorce, when my ex would call, I usually let her leave a voicemail. She rarely has anything good to say.
When I had to see her at a mutual gathering, it rarely went well.
But I have just retreated. I refuse to deal with her now. Why should I?
The kids are fine with me. If they want to visit her, they can. I don't hold them back.
My ex-wife was like a wrecking ball swinging slowly back and forth. The wrecking ball will destroy everything in it's path. If you are not in it's way, you are fine. If you are in it's way you are toast. With her, you have to always be on your toes. You never know when she will swing and possibly destroy you.
I like to be as far away from her as possible, to minimize the damage she can do to me.
When I am close, I am extremely wary. I am on edge, there is no relaxation. I have to be ready to act. I have to be ready to act fast and with power.
When I left her, I had to run, it was that bad.
Another interesting take on the subject.
You cannot have a good life if you don't avoid toxic people. This should be obvious, it should be the most important aspect of your life to concentrate on.
Unfortunately, it is not.
Most of the time everyone apologizes for people who are bad instead of counseling us to avoid toxic people.
They say stupid things like
I just get sick of this continual stream of garbage being forced down out throats.
Even the bible gets into this when it say to turn the other cheek after someone hits you.
Isn't it better to duck from being hit and then leave a person behind who tries to hit you? Why would you continue to be around a person who thinks it is acceptable to hit you?
When people treat you poorly in a manner that hurts you, it does not help you.
It only takes from you. It takes your time. It takes away your good natured-ness. It takes your innocence. It takes away your ability to be loving and kind.
It does nothing good.
You absolutely must find a way to avoid toxic people. You must be able to spend large chunks of time alone if you have to.
One negative moment with a bad person wipes out hours of good. If the negative moment is bad enough it can wipe out a lifetime of good.
Think of it this way.
Say a man is a good and loving husband. He takes care of his wife and family. He has a good job. He provides. He does chores and errands. He listens to his wife. He loves her. He cares for the children. He is even a good lover to his wife. He does this for years.
But then he comes home one day and beats his wife. For whatever reason he hits her and hurts her.
Do you think that one horrible moment like that wipes out years, or decades or even a lifetime of good.
You damn well better believe it does.
One horrible incident wipes out all the good and renders any future good null and void.
You cannot justify the bad...ever.
That is why it is so critical to avoid toxic people and to leave at the first sign of badness.
This ability to run, to walk away, to leave is the most important attribute you can develop.
Of course, the actual doing it is the hard part. We are ingrained from an early age to never quit, to stay, to grin and bear, to tough it out, to wipe some dirt on it, to not air the dirty laundry, to be loyal no matter what, till death us do part, to stay in the family religion, to vote for whoever your parents vote for or the union says and to be patriotic to wherever you were born.
All this garbage is just a way to brainwash people into staying in whatever negative situation they are in.
The best way to get out of a bad situation, a bad relationship, a bad anything is to leave. All other solutions either do not work or are so incredibly difficult that in the end you want to leave anyway.
It is far better to live alone, treating yourself with dignity and respect than to live with a partner who treats you with any disrespect.
Staying anywhere that is not good for you is no good.
What happens when
You leave. All these terribly bad things you leave from.
If you are smart and aware you will take the same approach with the terrible situations and people you are in contact with and avoid toxic people.