You can raise your self esteem. How you feel about yourself is the key to your life.
Go ahead and think deeply about your worst days, your biggest disappointments and your most miserable times.
When I do that it all points to my low self esteem causing the problem.
Staying in a bad job. Hanging around the wrong people. Dealing with toxic schoolmates. Staying with the wrong woman.
All these terrible things I did to myself.
Only by thinking I mattered...raising my self esteem...was I able to do what was right for me.
High esteem is you thinking highly enough of yourself that you do good things for you, avoid doing things that would harm you and avoid some things or some people who would you make you feel less.
But what really causes this?
A lot of it comes from stupidity, mild forms of tyranny or at least the negative comments of others.
If your parents beat you, yelled at you, or made your childhood a living hell or miserable in some way, that was not your fault. That was them. That is the tyranny of bad parents. The result is that your life is made less by their treatment of you. You just may not realize it for years or decades later.
If you were bullied by other kids, either siblings, neighbors, relatives, schoolmates or so-called friends that was them.
The cause of your being bullied was not you having low esteem, the cause was that they were bullying you. They were mean to you. They may have been bullied by their parents or someone else or some other reason. The reason only matters to them, not to you. The result is that you feel bad about life and yourself because of being pushed around or living in fear of others.
If as you were growing up you had issues of some kind that made you different than others, that was the cause of your low self esteem. For me, I was fat, needed glasses and braces. Even if people did not blatantly say negative things to me, I could look in the mirror and see my problems.
If your wife nags you, criticizes you, is never happy, snaps at you, finds fault with everything you do, yells at you and makes excessive demands, that is her, not you. Her negative behavior is not helping you... at all. This is the type of wife you have to leave. This is the type of person you have to get tough with. You cannot go through life being a pushover and letting people run roughshod over you.
You cannot wait for someone else to do something. A high self esteem is caused by you...your self...doing things for you.
You have to stick up for yourself. I think it should be
obvious that the root cause of low self esteem is a result of your
dealings with other people.
Once you realize this is so, you can move on from it.
The cure is to raise your self esteem.
I know this sounds too simple. Others may say you need to go back and revisit all the old pain and hurt. Maybe, maybe not.
From Danger and Play
Think like this to raise your self esteem.
I am not a therapist, just a man with low self esteem trying to raise it.
The cure is to realize the problem and take action to raise your self esteem and realize you matter.
The cure also means that there were people causing you this low self esteem and that their issues do not have to be your issues. You do not need anyone's permission to feel better about your life.
You just make up your mind to feel better and you take the actions that you decide you need to feel even better.
You can raise your self esteem in any number of ways. Here are some of the things I did.
With My Wife
I was extremely unhappy with how my wife was treating me and in spite of me telling her I needed her to change how she was to me, she would not stop. So I left her. This, of course, is a massive change. A change for the better, but it was difficult, painful and a disaster. But it was the best thing I ever did.
Where I was once a hen-pecked husband under continually verbal abuse who had to walk on eggshells to avoid the wrath from my wife now I am a confident man who has options with women and never has to settle for less than the type of relationship I want.
With How I Looked
I was not happy being overweight and out of shape so I decided to lift weights, eat a lot less and do a lot of walking.
I was not happy with how I looked in my clothes so I started shopping for clothes that looked good on me and making it a priority to only wear good looking clothes.
I was not happy looking pale and white so I made it a point to get some sun as often as I could.
I decided that even though I am a bigger, fatter man, I would look good and take steps to improve my appearance and my life.
I wear contacts because I do not like how I look in glasses.
Where I once was fat, flabby, pale, in poor looking clothes I am now muscular, more fit, tanned man who looks good in the clothes I have purchased.
With My Finances
I was not happy living with not much abundance. So I chose engineering as a career path to ensure I would make enough money.
I was not happy with the amount of money I was making in my job so I started some internet businesses to increase my income.
I was not happy in the job I was in so I went through the enormous effort involved in getting a new, better, high quality of life job.
Where I used to dread Fridays and the layoff notice, now I love them because of the great weekend coming up and the exciting Mondays to look forward to.
I am not happy with excessive debt caused by my marriage and divorce so I am rapidly paying off my old debts.
All these changes I made in my life have had a remarkable effect on how I feel about myself.
I did all these things for myself because I finally realized that I matter. I started to wake up to the fact that death was coming for me. I started to think about life and death and that since death was coming I had better start living now.
Realizing that my low self esteem was holding me back from having a
good life, I actively took steps and am still taking those steps and
others to keep raising my self esteem.
To me, the first step to raise your self esteem is to realize that by being born, you belong. You are fine. You are a magnificent human being. Being unselfish is a good thing, not bad, in spite of what you have always heard.
This site is me trying to help you. This site is me working through my own issues and sharing with you what helped me and what I truly believe will help any man.
Your level of esteem, how you feel about yourself causes your life to either be good or bad. When you feel bad about yourself it causes you problems. It can be catastrophic at worst. It can be a dull existence at best.
At least think about this concept enough to make improvements in your life. Find ways to get comfortable without food. Find ways to feel good now. Be your own best friend. Do good things for you instead of always bending over backwards for others.And always be on the lookout for ways to raise your self esteem.