You need to get serious about your life. If you are foundering or struggling or things are not going your way, you need to make changes.
It is time you let the desires, opinions and coercive demands of others take a back seat to what you want. You only have a little time left, you know.
The clock is ticking. The relentlessness of aging waits for no one. If you continue to stay in dysfunctional relationships or stagnating jobs or an unsatisfying lifestyle without making serious plans to make the dramatic changes you need to make your life better, your life will not get better.
Massive changes are in order.
You need your life to be great or be working on it.
Any other way you will be quite unhappy...maybe miserable...maybe even borderline suicidal.
I spent too much of my life living in a miserable marriage and in other extremely difficult circumstances to waste any more of my precious time.
I like to concentrate on improving the main areas of my life. As I make progress in these main areas, my life improves.
These are the 5 main themes of my life.
I love being a father. Caring for my children, making sure they are ok, hanging out with them, spending time with them, spending money on them, doing things that make them happy...makes me happy.
I selfishly try to make their lives better and in the process, my life gets better.
It is not easy. The expense is enormous. The strain and stress when they are small takes a toll on your body, your emotions, your mind, your free time and your health.
They have unending needs that will test your strength from the moment you become aware of their presence within the womb of their mother until some point late in their teenage years.
If you have done your parenting work correctly and you have some measure of luck, by the time they are older teenagers, you will be able to relax quite a bit.
Your major work is over.
But maybe not, especially if you did not do things right.
You may have to be a major part of raising a grandchild of a too young, immature, resource less child of your own.
You may have the bad luck of having a child with incredible needs.
You may be like my parents and have a divorced son needing your care, attention and money for many years until he gets his life back in control.
But that is not typical.
Typical is your teenager going to high school, staying busy with productive pursuits, without you needing to micromanage their lives.
Just monitor them from a distance as you go about the serious business of your own life.
Some other ideas on this -
I am also part of a family. My dad has passed, but my mom is still alive and fine. I call her once or twice a week, every week. I visit her almost once a month. I want to make sure she is fine. She has the burden of living alone after nearly 50 years of a life with the man of her dreams...my dad.
I get together with my brother and sister too. Usually as part of a visit to my mom.
I see my extended family every year or two at some type of event. It's nice. Always good to check in and find out what they're doing.
My main income is from my career as a Civil Engineer.
I have had love/hate relationship as an engineer. It has been mostly good, with occasional times of excitement but just enough periods of boredom, tedious work, insecurity, layoffs, pay cuts, benefit reductions, frustration, fear and worry that I cannot call it the ideal job, Unless you get into a job like the one I have now.
Plus it is not a super high paying job. It falls into the happiness income after you have risen up enough. Certainly it does not start out at the happiness level unless you are super talented and lucky.
It took me 10 years to make the happiness income and that was only by working 10 to 30 hours of overtime a week. And at that time I was in a bad marriage, so I was very unhappy in my personal life.
Now I have nearly it all
Some more ideas on work and career -
I read a lot. I read every day. Blogs, articles, books, clippings. It is what I do.
Many people I know do not read that much. Mostly TV or keeping busy with other things.
I find TV and even videos boring compared to reading. It is too slow moving. I want to devour information at my pace...fast.
I have this website. I have had others. I write books.
I write a lot in my civil engineering career.
I am a somewhat deep thinker, but not pretentious. I do it, because I love it, not to impress.
One moment I am contemplating solving world problems. The next I am laughing out loud at bathroom humor.
I would not call myself a great bodybuilder. I have not been able to build myself up to that level. But I have always enjoyed weight training, being strong, building muscles.
I started lifting in high school and continued at a great pace for 10 years. I was able to lift some astounding weights, building an impressive physice along the way.
I stopped when I got married and had kids right away. I could not afford the time or the cost.
I spend a good share of my time reading about bodybuilding and weight training. Watching videos.. Planing my workouts. Trying to get stronger and look better.
I like to have fun. Joking around with people. Drinking. Partying. Getting a little wild with girls. Traveling. Relaxing with coffee or beer.
Truthfully, that part of my life is the one I love the most and is the one I have neglected the most.
Having fun, doing things that make you happy, should be your highest priority.
What is the sense of any other way of living?
But most of us, including me for most of my life, are very bad at having fun.
We are manipulated into this by others wanting to control us. Being controlled is never good, of course. But especially here.
I do like my fun -
I am working on the fun and the rest of my main themes. So should you.