When to Have Kids

When to have kids?

Most men tend to want to start having kids in their 20's, when they are young and have energy.  This is the normal pattern that most men get into.  I did too, although I was able to delay until I was 30 for my first and 34 for my second.

I thought that was old enough.  But I have learned a lot over the years.  And the main thing I have learned is it will be better for you, and your kids, if you wait to have them.

But the Main Thing to Know about When to Have Kids

A man is too young and too poor to have children when he cannot even take care of himself.

You need to be able to live life well.  You need to take care of yourself very well.  You need to be strong.  You need to be healthy.  You need to have a baseline of experiences.

And you need to be rich enough or have a large enough income to be able to take care of your children easily without any stress and strain on you.

Spending money on your children should not be a burden.  It should not be a strain or difficult.  If they need something, you buy it.  If they need to have an experience, you make it happen for them.

And taking care of them, should seem to be only a small sliver of your income or wealth.  You should be able to continue to enjoy your life along with taking care of your children. 

If this is not the way you are living, your children will be a burden on you and that will be what they feel from you.

Instead of love, affection and a sense of caring.  They will feel like you resent how much they cost.

I think I was able to provide for my kids as best I could, giving them the basics plus a little more.  But I had to sacrifice my desires.  I did very little for myself.  I bought into the sacrifice myself idea.

I don't regret it, because I felt the call to do that for my kids.

But there is a better way.  Just delay having kids until your income is large and you have enough money and resources stashed away to provide them a good life along with providing yourself a good life.

  • You should be able to buy a new, big, safe vehicle that makes perfect sense for your life.
  • You should be able to afford a large, comfortable home for them with their own private room.
  • You should be able to travel and have great experiences easily and often.
  • You should be able to eat out at every meal or buy the best food.
  • You should be able to give them the gifts they really want for their birthday, Christmas and other gift giving holidays.
  • You should be able to live in a safe area with good schools.

If you cannot even do that, you cannot afford to have children.

Children are expensive. They are a burden.  They have unending needs and overwhelming desires.  And this goes on for years.

If you cannot provide for them in this way, you cannot afford to have children.


When to Have Kids - Advice from one of my favorite writers

One of the best books ever for men is Caleb Jones

The Unchained Man

His section on when to have kids is excellent -

You should avoid having any children until you have achieved your big dreams in life. Having kids is a massive commitment that lasts 20 years, and takes a huge amount of time, resources, energy, emotion, and money away from you, your Mission, and yes, your happiness. I’m not saying to never have kids. If you want to have kids, have them. I’m saying
put in the years, or decades, required to achieve your big life goals, and then have your kids. There is no rush.
If you already have kids, change this rule to “Don’t have any more kids” or at a minimum, "Delay having more kids for as long as possible."

You can read even more great advice from his blog -

Blackdragon Blog


What Else to Think About - When to Have Kids

They cry all the time as babies

You have to realize that taking care of your children.  paying for everything and dealing with them every single day is extremely difficult.

There are good times...but a lot of bad.

They cry a lot as a child
They even cry as teenagers

You have to think critically about what makes you happy and make your decisions for yourself.

› When to Have Kids