There are 3 main reasons women are verbally abusive. I thought about this all the time when I was struggling against the verbal abuse from my wife. I could come up with only 3 reasons she was so terrible to me.
Maybe she was
1) She is an evil and mean person
You see this. It is there. Some people are twisted and cruel. Sometimes people get involved with people like that because the mean person is nice enough to fool the other person. Then when you are married the real person comes out. The evil, the meanness, the cruelty.
I did not really think my wife was cruel because she was so kind and good to me early in our relationship.
2) She thinks she knows best
The person thinks that screaming, manipulating and lecturing you is not being cruel, mean and evil because they know best.
She considers this terrible treatment of you for your own good. In her mind, she has to do be this way to control you. She may even say it is because they love you or some other lame excuse. They will justify shouting at you or criticizing you because they are looking out for you. You need to be told what to do and how to think.
For the longest time I thought this was the problem. She was constantly trying to get me to do exactly what she wanted me to do.
3) She is mentally ill
She may not even realize what she is doing for some medical or mental or physical reason.
She will spend hours lecturing you on your faults late into the night, go to bed and the next day not remember saying anything. She will lash out at you with cruel name calling, sarcastic remarks or raging fits. Then later will talk to you like nothing happened. She will be nice and loving...later.
This is the more likely scenario. When I left her I just needed to get away from her. It was years after I left before she was diagnosed with a severe mental illness.
From a Shrink for Men
"Life is too short to spend one more second in this kind of relationship. If your partner won’t admit she has a problem and agree to get help, real help, then it’s in your best interest to get support, get out, and stay out."
Final quote from the article
In all 3 cases the end result is the same on you.
Just the hearing the love of your life talking badly about you affects you.
The reasons why it is happening do not matter. What matters is that it is happening to you.
And you need it to stop.
The stronger you are, the more confident you are, the more you are in charge of your own life, the less this kind of thing affects you. Strong, high self esteem, self aware men avoid women like this and if they do get involved, they leave sooner rather than later.