My ex-girlfriend, who I loved with all my heart gave me herpes after getting back together with her, after being with her 2 years in the late nineties.

She approached me and I was again interested. We were together for 14 months when it became confirmed by a doctor that I had it and now I'm proudly registered with the health department.

She subsequently had made me think it was something else as it faded and reappeared months later, only to ultimately break up with me, after I took her to Maui for 2 weeks and then blame me for it with my promiscuous past and her lily white skin, NOT !!!.

I think she wanted me to pop the question there, but I did not. Yes, it could have laid dormant for years and years, but I was not having sex with anyone for years and then suddenly got 3 bouts of it with her. Either she is in denial, does not know she has it, or I had it all along dormant as that is a possibility.

She will not talk to me now since April of 2017 and all signs point to her diabolical intent. Unfortunately, I am one of these guys that has a knack for giving the wrong people the benefit of the doubt. I still have deep feelings for her and would forgive her and be with her if only she would talk, but of course the liar she is, says she is clean and harmless. I refuse to date anyone without them knowing my status and my friend knows about it and we do not have sex. I am not really dating now as she has rejected me.

So my choices are to be with someone who has it or risk it with full disclosure where our chances of success are limited and grim. Who would want to be with someone who is open about having herpes unless they have it. If you look at the stats, 80/90 % of people who have it do not even know it, yet doctors and STD clinics do not promote getting a test. The clinic I demanded we went to first off did not either, and so I end up with it for life now.

The western blot test is the only one that is 99% accurate and you have to send for it for 150.00 bucks. Of course, you find that out after the fact. Being with someone who has HSV2 is not exactly and attractive prospect as you might imagine. Its like either sticking your junk in a meat grinder and/or walking around feeling like half of you is DEAD.

So now you know my story, how do I get to that point of happy when a bitch intentionally destroyed a huge part of intimacy that evolves you there with a woman.

Oh yeah, almost forgot one thing. Its probably all my fault anyways because I didn't marry her in the 90s and have a kid with her like she wanted me to. Payback is a bitch i guess and BEWARE OF OLD GIRL-FIENDS.

Lets see you cover that topic next time HAPPY MAN !!!!!

I'd love to see you talk about someone else's predicament and what they should do. Sometimes I feel like I should just go over there and get on one knee, what's the difference, we probably both have it and I'm F-ed.

Sincerely, Lonesome Loser


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Apr 24, 2021
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Dec 19, 2020
Some Thoughts for an Angry & Hurt Man
by: Hans at

First off, thank you for sharing that painful story. It's not easy to keep that kind of pain bottled up inside. You should be commended for opening up. I think opening up about things is the first step to start to heal.

Starting with your last statement about being f...d.

That kind of thinking is not going to help even though that is where you are at now.

So, you have to acknowledge it. Your life sucks with the genital herpes and this poor relationship with your girlfriend and now ex-girlfriend.

When you have a big problem, you would want to focus on solving it. It does not do much good to think about other things. Work on the big problems with the goal of solving them.

It seems like you have a 2 part problem. A medical issue...genital herpes...and an issue in dealing with the emotional problems around an ex-girlfriend.

Both are big problems.

I would suggest you focus on the medical problem first. Google genital herpes to learn more about it. It looks like you have been doing quite a bit of research. But more knowledge will help. As you indicated, it is very common and with some treatment and management, you can live a good life even if you have it.

I would treat having any medical condition as just that. You have a medical issue. Go to a doctor that specializes in that and get the prescription for the medicine that helps.

When I read about genital herpes, I see that a huge portion of the population has it and that there is some treatments available to control the outbreak.

From a web source - "The diagnosis of genital herpes can cause feelings of shame, fear, and distress. While these reactions are normal, it is important to remember that genital herpes is a manageable condition."

It is disappointing that there is no cure at this time, but the literature indicates that people can live normally with it.

Make it a point of focus to learn more about it, both treatment methods and ways to avoid outbreaks. Probably living healthier and keeping your stress level low would help. It wouldn't hurt.

Since it is a big problem you would need to expect that it will take major effort on your part to solve. Probably multiple trips to the doctor. Maybe multiple doctors. Probably various rounds of medication. Maybe various supplements and stress relief methods. All this will cost a lot of money. Big problems do. You cannot expect to solve a big problem without spending a ton of money and putting in a ton of effort and time.

You may need to rework how you spend your money. Not funding your savings or retirement, slowing down your debt repayments or cutting out other expenditures.

This sucks big time too. But, you are trying to get past a big problem. Once you are past it, you can rework your finances again.

Regarding the ex-girlfriend, I would focus on not thinking of her. Try to cut off all thinking about her. With the exception of working on this website to help other men, I basically do not think about the years I spent with my wife. I don't think about the dating, the engagement, the marriage, the divorce and the years of difficulty after the divorce. I think of today. I think of good times before I met her. I think of the future.

I do get upset at times about having to block out the memories of nearly 21 years of my life, but to be happy, I have to.

Focus on improving your life and put dating and women on the back-burner for now. You don't need to have a woman in your life to have a good life. With the pain you are describing around your relationship with her, it seems like you need a break.

You could set some goals around doing things that you can do with or without a girlfriend. I would focus on your own health, fitness, relaxation and keeping a low stress level.

Hopefully with time and attention on making your life better, the herpes incidents lessen and you can comfortably and confidently start dating again.

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The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife.  You might be in the same situation I was in.  I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.

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