How To Use Resilience to Your Advantage

You need resilience to make a good life for yourself. 

We all know this.  We know it is the persistent, relentless, intense focus on moving toward whatever you want to accomplish that gets it done.

Keep on keeping on.  Don't quit.  Keep going.  Keep your eye on the prize.  Never give up.  Tough times don't last, tough people do.  It's not how often you fall, but how many times you get up.

What is Resilience

I almost did not want to write about it even though it is one of the most important characteristic to have, one that I have used to succeed in small and big ways even coming back from terrible circumstances.

It is just hard to spell:)

Resilient is defined as -

Able to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens.

Also -

Adapting to adversity. Resilience is the ability to roll with the punches. When stress, adversity or trauma strikes, you still experience anger, grief and pain, but you're able to keep functioning — both physically and psychologically

From Merriam-Webster


Why is Resilience So Important

You need massive reserves of resilience to

Think of it as shedding whatever bad circumstances are in your life and moving toward what you truly desire most.  It takes courage and action.

It isn't easy.

If it were, we would all be extremely happy and satisfied with every aspect of our lives.

Are we?  Are you?

You Need Resilience to Get Past Pain

Pain is always there telling you what to do

  • Your feet hurt.  You need new shoes. 
  • Your teeth hurt.  You need to go to the dentist.
  • You feel tired.  You need more sleep.
  • You are bloated.  You need to eat less for a few days and walk.
  • You are depressed.  You need to find something fun to do.
  • You are broke.  You need to avoid spending money.
  • You are lost.  You need to ask for directions.
  • You have a headache.  You need aspirin and your eyes closed.
  • Your back is sore.  You need to take it easy for a few days and do some light stretching and slow walking.

All this pain requires your resilience to get through.  You cannot give up and let the pain overwhelm you.

Just let the pain lead you.  It tells you what to do on these simple things as well as the complicated ones.

It takes toughness to deal with this. But I wonder why he was even there.

If you notice carefully, whatever is causing you pain is normally caused by your own actions.  Knowing this, you can avoid the pain.  There isn't a really good reason to experience excessive pain for the self aware person.

I am still experiencing my share of pain, I am just in the process of self awareness.   But I recognize what I have done to cause my pain.

It's difficult.  Some of my pain is years in the making.

I've neglected my health, my finances, my happiness.

I've overeaten, overused my body, spent recklessly, been pushed into countless mistakes and stayed married to the wrong women.  I did not believe it was my right to create an ideal life for men life for me.

I want to blame someone else, but it was me who decided what to do that caused the pain.

  • I could have stopped eating.
  • I could have rested my body and taken better care of myself.
  • I could have stopped spending.
  • I could have left her.
  • I could have said no.

You have all the power to change.  It's empowering but frustrating.  When you have pain, you know you should be doing something differently, but sometimes you are paralyzed because what you need to do you cannot do right now.

Doing something differently will make others around you lash out in opposition and create turmoil.  My wife did not take my leaving very well.  It took me over 6 years to get her firmly and decisively out of my life after I left her.

You need to know yourself enough, examining your life in enough detail to see what you did that caused the pain. 

It is My Fault That I

  • Overeat, using it as a coping method for dealing with whatever as well as a way to celebrate. 
  • Always had to lift so much and work so hard to cause my aching shoulders. 
  • Did not spend enough money and buy shoes more often so that my feet did not ache.
  • My wife verbally abused me for so long.

I could have just stopped overeating, lifting so much, being so cheap with shoes or left my wife after the first abuse.

So I am here now.  Overweight,  but working on it, with shoulders that feel fine, buying shoes often enough the my feet do not ache and I am long past the verbal abuse of my bad marriage.  I am divorced and loving the freedom to live my life exactly as I want to.

I used my pain as a guide to what I need to do in my life to make it better.

The role of pain is to point you toward what you need to do.  Pain is not something you need to learn to tolerate or deal with or take or anything stupid like that. 

Pain is a guide to tell you that you have a big problem that needs your attention and you have to stop doing whatever is causing the pain and do something much different and better for you.

You Need Resilience to Increase and Keep Your Power

Your mind and body will be put to the test when dealing with disasters. It takes power.

Some people say that we all have a more or less equal amount of power and proceed to give it away day by day during our lives until we are basically powerless.
That seems close to the truth to me.

If we examine the opposite perspective...that we are all would not explain how some of us persevere through adversity and have a good or even great life.

Realize the immense power churning inside you and decide to do something with it.

You can deliberately choose your thoughts and actions and deliberately create your life exactly how you want it.

You can turn on the TV and watch other people using their power to get rich, maybe even at your expense. 

What are famous celebrities, athletes, politicians and CEO's doing besides using their power to the fullest? 

They are not wasting their lives away in front of the TV watching others do well, they are concentrating on themselves with relentless focus. They are certainly know how to be happier with their own lives

They have the resilience to keep moving toward their dreams even after setbacks and frustrations.  It is as if their powerful minds do not give up.

Of course there is the problem of most of the world being dead set against you having that great life. 

This problem is the constant pull you feel to stay the same and just as you start to get ahead others drag you back down like crabs in a bucket.

You will have to deal with that.  You will need resilience to get back up after the world, your boss, your wife, the government, the economy, the whatever, knocks you down.

And they may keep knocking you down after you get up.  They may stomp on you as you are on the floor.

It will take all your strength, courage and resilience to keep getting up and dealing with this massive force that seems to be against you.

But if others can do it...why can't you?

It helps if you don't always go along with the crowd, follow the mainstream or get to caught up in things that do nothing to improve the quality of your life.

You can develop great power, just use it wisely 

  • If you kill, steal, take and abuse others that is misusing your power.
  • Children taunting, mocking and bullying other children is stealing their spirit and happiness.
  • Parents spanking, yelling and severely punishing their children is abusing the child's trust in their parents.
  • Governments take our power with  taxation,  inflation,  regulations and laws and give it to someone else. 

Most of us will meekly obey power without putting up any fuss.  Others give in because of the potential for force.

Some rage against the powerful and try to unite others into causes to change the world.

I find zero satisfaction in trying to change the world and see little sense in banding together to try to change a world I have no control over.

But I do find immense satisfaction in changing my world for the better.  I believe in the philosophy of - you do it, not wait for someone else to do something.
I am powerful working on my life and my vision of my world.

I am free to do what I want in a way that harms no one.

Simple Ways to Be More Resilient

Don’t Follow All the Rules

Stop following all the rules. You just do what you know is right without constantly asking for permission.  You will look at rules as only a guide to avoid trouble, not something that you blindly follow.

Most rules are manipulations and guilt trips others use to convince you to do things for them.

Think Differently About Freedom

Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you’re a man, you take it. ...Malcolm X.

It is up to you to create freedom for yourself, right now. If you are waiting for anyone or any group or cause to save you you will be waiting forever.  Freedom is not something that is granted or given or voted for or bought.  Freedom is taken.

You make up your mind to be free.  No voting.  No arguing.  No one else needed.  Just you living your life as a free man.

Do What You Want

When most of your time is spent doing things that others tell you to do, you will not be happy.  It is only the continuous, persistent effort applied to your desires that results in your happiness.

Cut your losses when you make mistakes.

Other Resilience Articles You May Also Like:

› Resilience

The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife.  You might be in the same situation I was in.  I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.

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