I have learned the hard way about wrong goals.
Setting the wrong type of goal and then working very hard to accomplish something that does not matter to you and may even put you further behind.
I don't like that.
They can be goals that you set for other people.
You see someone close to you struggling and suffering and want to help. You can clearly see what the problem is and if they just do as you say, everything will be fine.
But unless you are going to be with them every step of the way, coaching and cajoling them, insisting that they follow your plans for them, then setting goals for others is a massive waste of your time.
They will resist, no doubt, as they should.
Even if by chance they do make the goal you set for them, it's not satisfying for you because you will not be able to cross this goal off your list.
When dealing with others, it's better to let them set their own goals. You can provide guidance, recommendations, encouragement, a bit of help and an ear. But don't set goals for them. Let them set their own goals.
Goals have to be what YOU do.
This is a classic wrong move you see people do over and over. You'll set a goal such as make more money and lose some weight.
The problem is where is the amount of each?
I've set goals like this. I want to lose weight and make more money.
I'll look back and see that I lost 2 pounds and made an extra $5. I've accomplished both goals, but did reaching those goals actually make my life better?
Two pounds made no real difference in my life. Just losing 2 pounds is fine if you start out extremely lean already. Most overweight people need to think more in terms of 10 to 20 percent of their current body weight, maybe more, to make a real difference in their size and health.
As to money, if it's $5 more per hour, well that is massively meaningful to most people. But just $5 more than now won't make a difference. Usually you need to make multiple thousands more per year of extra money to improve the quality of your life. Or reduce your expenses in a significant way.
So set your goals at a level high enough that once they are accomplished, they will make a massive improvement in the quality of your life.
Otherwise, you have set these wrong goals, worked hard to achieve them and they don't do anything for you.
And make sure that this significant improvement is something you truly want to do. You need the motivation of actually expending the energy in the doing it.
Some ideas on Wrong Goals From Steve Pavlina -
How to Set Goals You Will Actually Achieve
Favorite quote -
The purpose of goal-setting isn’t to control the future. That would be senseless because the future only exists in your imagination. The only value in goal-setting is that it improves the quality of your present moment reality. Setting goals can give you greater clarity and focus right now. Whenever you set a goal, always ask yourself, “How does setting this goal improve my present reality?” If a goal does not improve your present reality, then the goal is pointless, and you may as well dump it. But if the goal brings greater clarity, focus, and motivation to your life whenever you think about it, it’s a keeper.
Many people set goals and then assume the path to reach the goal will require suffering and sacrifice — a recipe for failure. A better idea is to set a goal and pay attention to the effect it has on your present reality. Set goals that yield a positive effect on your life whenever you think about them, long before the final outcome is actually achieved. Treat goal-setting as a way to enhance your present reality, not as a way to control the future.
Without wanting to do something, setting goals is pointless. The doing is where it gets done.
It's the changes in your eating habits. It's the getting to the gym and weight training. It's the paying off debts and not incurring new debts that makes the difference.
It's the effort involved in moving toward a new, exciting and better life that compels you to jump out of bed and get busy all day in moving toward it.
Wrong goals give you none of this. Right goals give you all of it.
A big goal will take a lot of little goals, or action steps along the way. You have to plan in all the monthly, weekly and daily actions along the way otherwise there is no way the goal gets done.
You may want to think like this. Instead of setting goals based on where you are now, set them from the viewpoint of the person you want to be.
If you were that type of person, what would you doing? Where would you be? Who would you be spending time with? How are you living your life?
Do you see how this is a much more powerful way to live?
What did you do to become this person?
You reflect backward from that perspective.
This is known as end thinking. You are now this person who has accomplished massive things in your life and you are rightfully proud and satisfied in creating your life in a way more to your liking.
How did you get there? What did you do to get to this point?
There is a natural progression backward from where you are now, the future accomplished you, back toward the you you are now.
Wrong goals include stubbornly refusing to make the necessary radical changes in your life.
Here is an excerpt from my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Steps System
Leaving your wife is a radical move, no doubt, but in my case it was necessary for me to have any chance at a good life.
Here is the goal setting strategy -
Visualize an Elderly You
A helpful first exercise to force you to act now rather than wait is to visualize you and your wife as elderly. You are retired and both at home all day. You are too old to work and too old to go anywhere. You are together all day, every day, and 7 days a week.
Now think of how your wife treats you when she is in a foul mood. Think of the name calling, the profanity, the sarcasm, the belittling, the putdowns and humiliation. Think of all the ways your wife mistreats you. But now, instead of going to work 5 days a week and being at work all day to escape the abuse, you are too old to work, too old to go anywhere and too poor to do anything anyway.
You are trapped. It is a prison and there is no place for you to go.
Just thinking about that horror story life was enough to wake me in the middle of the night. My wife would have all day, every day to come at me with her verbal abuse. I’m too old to work and too old to leave.
The thought of growing old with her terrified me. Whenever I had a cold or the flu and needed to be home in bed resting for a day or two she was just merciless with me berating me for my poor health and how I was such a burden.
What would happen when I got old and had a real problem beyond just spending a day or two in bed?
Visualization works for the bad as well as the good.
Here are a few other articles regarding avoiding wrong goals
So spend some quality and quantity time determining what your goals should be. You should love the process of setting goals and love even more the effort involved in obtaining them.
The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife. You might be in the same situation I was in. I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.
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