Rethink how you set new goals if your life is not quite working the way it should. Perhaps you just need to slow down, take a step back and spend some time enjoying your life while you are developing new goals.
I feel like this is exactly where I'm at now. I don't have any goals I am super excited to work on right now. I want to set some goals and work on them, but I'm not sure what to do.
I set, worked on and accomplished 5 very large goals within the last year.
I am extremely happy and satisfied to have done this. In the excitement of reaching those goals, I tried to set new goals before I was ready.
These goals turned out to be not that motivating.
So, I feel a little bit dissatisfied with my life now, even though my life is humming along extremely well.
So, I am basically in the resting, recharging and growing mode of my 3 Step System while I am spending time thinking about new goals.
I want to focus on getting my mind right and start planning some strategic goals that will help me to get my life on even a higher level.
I suggest you think about ways to set new goals so you are excited and motivated to work on them the way I was excited to persevere and persist with my last 5 major goals.
I had a number of teeth pulled out about 4 years ago. The effects of eating sugar and poor dental hygiene caught up to me. So did being too broke to go to the dentist while I was married.
The missing teeth did not impact my ability to eat. That is not a problem.
But the missing tooth up towards the front really bothered me because...it was a missing tooth...I did not like how I looked.
I rarely smiled.
I was not happy how I looked.
So trying to replace that missing tooth in some way was high on my list of what I wanted to do.
The problem was not that it could not be done or that I I did not want to deal with the pain of the dental work.
The problem was the cost.
Major dental work costs thousands of dollars. Not hundreds...thousands.
You need thousands of dollars to do major dental work and so many other things to do too.
But the time was finally right. I had the money. I had the credit. So I set this as one of 2 main goals at the time and went ahead with it and did it.
I went in to get it started. In the meanwhile they found a tooth that needed a root canal. They also said I should whiten my teeth now before the dental work.
So, an added few more thousand for the root canal and whitening first.
And another few months of delay.
That is what happens with major goals. It takes a lot longer than you think and it may cost a lot more than you think too.
But the results have been worth it. I am happy with my smile now. I'm happy and smiling all the time now.
I had written an earlier version of this book a number of years ago, a few years after I left my wife. I had it for sale, selling a number of them. But I wanted to update it, edit it and make it better. I also wanted to add in how good my life has become since I left.
So I spent many months working on it. Editing it. Expanding it. Adding to it. Making it better. Did I say editing it?
I am very pleased with it. If you are a man experiencing a painful marriage, you need it. It will save your life.
But writing a book and getting it just so takes an enormous amount of time and effort. It is much more difficult and time consuming than writing articles or even going to work at a normal job.
It takes monumental effort.
Just when you think you're done, you re-read it and decide to edit it again.
So yeah...a lot of effort.
You can read about my book here - Leave Your Wife and Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.
I spent countless hours red-lining paper copies and countless hours typing and editing.
I am a civil engineer. That is how I make a living. I work full-time at it. I have had 6 major jobs over the last nearly 30 years. Ranging from 4 months to over 12 years. Some were very good. Some very bad. All I learned from. All paid the bills while I was working and provided the necessary health insurance for me and my family.
Some were very good for a while. Some turned very bad.
Some I consider essential for the learning aspect.
My last job was the most high-paying. I was hoping it would be a fantastic fit and be the job I held until retirement.
I enjoyed the higher pay. I even enjoyed the early days at this job.
But it very quickly became a very bad job for me.
I started to search for a different job about 2-1/2 months after I started it.
This job was so bad that I started searching all over the country. That was how much I wanted to leave it. My family and friends are all here. And I wanted to leave my home state. I wanted out so badly.
I put in enormous effort in trying to find a new job. There was the constant searching for jobs. Once I saw that one was available, there was the enormous effort involved with preparing a tailored resume and cover letter and applying exactly how they wanted the application turned in.
Then there was the waiting to hear, being disappointed with a negative response or excited if asked for an interview.
There was the busyness of preparing for the interview, the time off from work to go and the excuse made for why I was leaving work that day.
The nervousness and anxiety leading up to the interview, the relief when it was over.
The starting over on the next application.
I did this for 6 solid months. A monumental effort.
And I did it. I landed my dream job, the exact job I truly wanted, the job I hope to work for years to come and it is so sweet.
I lived in an area for 30 years but I did not really like it.
It had some things I liked. But not a lot.
I worked there, many jobs.
I met my wife there. I got married there. I had 2 kids there. I raised the 2 kids there.
I tried to like it.
But I didn't.
I have wanted to move from there almost as soon as I arrived. The plan was to move there for graduate school. Get my masters degree and then live and work someplace else.
It certainly did not happen that way. I never got my masters degree and I just stayed. Living, working, raising a family, suffering in my marriage, leaving my marriage, starting over, getting other jobs, trying to survive.
All the while, not really wanting to be there. Never feeling like it was home.
But the time was never right to leave until now. I wanted my kids to stay there, going to school in the good school system. As a dad you have to be patient with your desires when you have kids. Their needs probably override your desires. You won't feel right if you don't do what you can for them.
So I am pleased to be where I am at now.
I am an hour drive away from my adult kids and I am continuing to enjoy them and guide them.
I have to admit that having my daughter living with me was the best time of my life. She is delightful and a joy to live with.
But she is an adult and should live on her own as an adult and not with her dad.
I knew she was a mature, responsible person who will do well in whatever she does. But while she was living with me I did a lot for her. And she appreciated it. And I loved caring for her. But as her father, I feel it is my responsibility to make sure she takes the next step upward and take on even more responsibility and become even more mature.
So far, that is the case.
She did all the work to find a place. She did all the legwork and coordinating. She organized things for her roommates, including making sure they were right for her and could put in their share of the money.
She went through the hoops to get a place and helped her future roommates do the same.
She rented the moving truck and did most of the packing and moving.
So, if she did most of the work on this, how was it my goal?
I knew she needed to do this. I knew this step was critical to her development. So I helped. I kept her positive. I joked with her when she complained about all the problems and issues, forcing her to keep at it and move forward.
And she succeeded.
So living alone is bittersweet. I love being alone to do my own thing and come and go as I please and not worry about someone else in the house.
Except I liked worrying about her and helping her and seeing her and listening to her and tending to her when she needed tending to.
As the months have passed since my daughter moved out on her own, she continues to thrive. I call and text and see her when I can. And she is so happy and so pleased with her life and how well it is going. I am so happy she is doing so well.
The major point about these 5 major accomplishments was when I set new goals, the goals had to be extremely important to me.
I had no trouble working on these and seeing them through. I powered through all the setbacks and frustrations and just kept going.
Set New Goals from Steve Pavlina
How to Set Goals You Will Actually Achieve
Favorite quote -
The purpose of goal-setting isn’t to control the future. That would be senseless because the future only exists in your imagination. The only value in goal-setting is that it improves the quality of your present moment reality. Setting goals can give you greater clarity and focus right now. Whenever you set a goal, always ask yourself, “How does setting this goal improve my present reality?” If a goal does not improve your present reality, then the goal is pointless, and you may as well dump it. But if the goal brings greater clarity, focus, and motivation to your life whenever you think about it, it’s a keeper.
Take your time when you set new goals. Enjoy the rest and recharging.
You may even want to state this out loud to people. What are you working on? I'm resting and recharging.
But that's OK.
I can just enjoy my life and take as much time as necessary to create new goals. I need time for thoughts to simmer.
Wait to set new goals until they become obvious. Don't rush. Enjoy the resting and recharging.
When you set new goals, they should excite you now and be exciting for the days, weeks and months of massive and consistent effort it will take to achieve them. And they should be set to propel your life upwards to a higher level.
The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife. You might be in the same situation I was in. I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.
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