Whatever is going wrong in your life, it will get better...
and this is a big IF...you concentrate on you, your life and your happiness.
People's lives get all messed up when they don't concentrate on themselves.
When you get all wrapped up dealing with other people and their desires and problems, worrying about things you have no control over and spending your precious life energy on things of no real consequence, your life spirals out of control.
You have no energy for yourself.
You have to make your life closer to the way you want it before you can truly help others.
If you can get this, the ability to focus on what YOU need to do to make YOUR life better...it will get better.
I wanted to die. I was sitting slumped over in my basement office chair in front of the desk I had in the basement of our big ranch house in the suburbs.
My wife was standing in front of me ranting and raving about all my shortcomings for at least an hour. I felt myself shrinking as I absorbed her venomous verbal attacks, believing what she said was true.
It was another lost evening for me, one of countless lost evenings of being verbally abused by her.
That was my life at that time. I was either absorbing her tirades or waiting for another tirade to begin. Nothing I did was right.
I sat there thinking how since she thought I was so worthless that she would spend hours lecturing me on my faults and screaming orders, I must be worthless. Suicide seemed like such a good option.
I suppose most people would think that my life would have seemed pretty good:
I never told anyone that she was verbally abusive to me. I just stoically kept that secret to myself.
I was a good actor. Maybe people knew that something was wrong, but they could not put their finger on it. People have their own lives and don't have time to solve my problems. Especially if I never told them there was a problem.
She kept me isolated from my family and friends limiting time spent with my favorite people as much as possible. I rarely spoke about personal issues at work...it was not the kind of place where you talked...just worked.
I knew the answer was to leave her, but my idea of leaving would be death.
I thought hanging myself from the basement beams would be best. I knew the beams would be strong enough. They were holding up a huge, expensive house that I could not really afford that I bought for her that she was already complaining about.
But I wasn't sure what type of rope or cord would be strong enough to hold me. I was huge at that awful time in my life from eating massive quantities of food to try to escape the pain of dealing with her.
I had no gun so that option was out. Poison did not appeal to me.
My mind, twisted from her abuse, thought of the shock on her face when she saw my lifeless corpse hanging by my neck and thinking of the satisfaction I would have knowing she drove me to it.
But what if the kids saw me first? I came to my senses and put suicide thoughts behind me. Somehow I thought it will get better. I don't have to do this.
Have you done that?
Do you believe it will get better? That
whatever terrible circumstance you are in now will pass. That you will
find a way to get through it and have some happiness.
I believe your suffering and pain will end like mind did and that you will have a happier life.
I believe that you will start to think that you do matter.
Whatever pain you are in, whatever problems you are facing, whatever torment others are laying on you, that will pass.
It will get better for you. You can have a good life. It may not be tomorrow. It may not be next week or next month, but you will have better days.
When I was at my lowest point and trying to deal with the pain my wife was causing me, nothing else mattered to me except escaping the pain.
I tried escaping
But those means of escape were only temporary band aids on a massive wound.
I put the pain behind me by leaving. I ran from her and left her abuse and have been recreating my life how I choose.
Life is better now. There is no comparison. It is like night and day.
This can happen to you.
You may be in a bad relationship, bad family, with bad people, in a bad job or doing awful things.
But all that can change. You can leave a bad marriage, avoid bad people, leave a bad family when you get older, quit a bad job and stop doing awful things.
You can stop thinking you want to die and start thinking I want to live.
down you do not want to die, no one does. Saying I want to die is your
pain talking. You think you do not matter so
you think you being dead will not matter. You think no one will miss
But whether they do or don't does not matter. What matters is what you will miss out on. What matters is how you live your life.
You do not want to die, you want to live. You have to say I want to live over and over again to yourself. You have to think constantly of how you want your life to be. You have to think so highly of yourself, that you know your dying before your time will be a huge loss to the world.
You have to think of the potential impact you can have on others. You have to think about maybe your story will give others some hope, some ideas and a chance at a good life.
You have to think that you matter and you deserve to live a great life. Your life has meaning because we all have meaning. You are here for a reason. You may not know what it is.
But you do know what it is not. Your life is not to be taken by your own hand. You are not meant to live in whatever pain you are in this moment. You can move past that and to others things.
Whatever bad stage you are in at this time, you can make it better.
You can walk away, or run from bad relationships. You can quit bad jobs. You can leave a bad family. You can stop doing harmful things to yourself and others.
You do not have to continue to hurt yourself.You can just eliminate the phrase - I want to die - from your mind. You can replace it with it - I want to live. It will get better.
From Brian Kim
A great article.
You won't know how long it will take. You need patience and perserverence. You need to think your life is so important that you will do whatever it takes to be happy and you will keep doing that for however long it takes.
It may get better in an instant or might take decades.
It will get tough at times. It is darkest before the dawn. But it will get better as long as you keep moving toward it.
You may even get things moving in the right direction and circumstances will pop up to try to drag you back down into misery.
You don't have to let that happen.
Life is trying to teach you a lesson to be strong, wary, pushing your life forward.
So keep pushing forward toward your happiness, putting the whatever is bad in your life behind you as you rise to success and massive happiness.
The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife. You might be in the same situation I was in. I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.
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