Love or Money

Love or money?   Which do you choose? What is more important to your happiness? the short answer.

People who say that love is more important than money are misguided and wrong.  Love is nice but you do not need it to survive.

Without survival you have nothing.  You have to get your priorities straight.

Surviving, surviving well and the money to survive is everything.  Love comes after.

If you are trying to decide what to work on for your happiness, love or money, choose money. 

Get money under control first and keep at it your entire life. 

Love is a distant second or even third or forth.  Something you can work on from time to time when your life is under control.

Love or Money and Survival

Money is needed for survival. Without money you die. Without money you cannot have a life.  Without enough money your life will just be a never ending struggle from one chaotic episode to the next.  Without money you will not even feel like making the effort to find love.  Love or money?  Go after money, you need it more.

Without love you just don’t have love.

It is as simple as that.

Love will not pay any bills, or provide your food, clothing and shelter needs.

Get this part of your life under control

Love is not possible when you are living in lack and cannot even meet your basic needs.  Love or money?  Try paying your bills with love.

You need to be in a position with enough money to even experience love.  Love is not possible without money.  Love or money?  You need at least a baseline of money to do anything at all related to love.

I needed plenty of money to have love with my wife. You will need to have plenty of money to have a decent long term love relationship.  Without enough money your thoughts quickly degenerate from love to lack to bitterness to resentment...maybe hatred.  Certainly the love is gone.

Just as you can fall in love in an instant, you can fall out of love in an instant over an argument about money when the wrong words are said.

Married couples argue over money. If there was plenty of money, there would be no arguments, at least about money.

After you get fall in love, get married, what comes next?

Kids of course.  Expensive little people brought into the world as a result of your love.

I love my kids but I needed to have plenty of money to take care of them. But I did not have nearly enough.  Most of my fatherhood days were spent agonizing over every minor purchase, arguing with my wife, making my kids do without and pushing my own desires so deep I had no idea what I even wanted.

All people need lots of money, kids too. As a parent you will spend bundles of money on your kids.  To me, my problem is a lack of money. I have been so frustrated with the lack at various times in my life.

Love or Money after My  Divorce

I was embarrassed to drive an old car in the early years after I left my wife.  My life was an extreme struggle at that time.   I was 45 years old and driving a 15 year old car. Anyone would be embarrassed to be seen in it.

Plus I had so many other money problems. Bills in collection, a recent bankruptcy, my ex always pimping me for more money, my daughter needed braces, my son needed drivers training, both kids need money for summer fun, then new school clothes. I had not even thought about what I needed for my own happiness.

Finding love was the last thing on my mind.  I just wanted more money so I was not so frustrated and so filled with lack.

How does a person get past this lack? Is it my mindset?  Is it how I was raised? Is it something that happened in my childhood? Why, where does it come from, why did this happen to me?

The short story is that I got married and quickly got in over my head with a lifestyle I could not afford.

Love or Money in my Younger Days

It wasn’t always this way for me.

When I got my first full time job in 1990 after college, the money side of my life was starting to improve.

Up until then, money was a struggle for me.  But after starting to work full time the money I had coming in was starting to accumulate a good amount.

After working a little over a year I bought a new car and I could easily afford it. It was not a stretch.  I put a few thousand down and had a payment of $300 a month for 5 years. I ended up paying it off in one and a half years.

Every month I was putting money in saving accounts, buying CD’s, mutual funds, savings bonds, and stocks.

And I was buying some decent clothes and some decent food.  I would go out to eat.  I spent more freely on the weekends, going out with friends, eating out, partying, weekend getaways, meeting girls, having fun.

I even took some expensive trips.  Typically 2 a year.

It was the best and freest time of my life...until now. 

I could do what I wanted.  I had times of extreme fun and the promise to have even better times.

Love or Money or what happened to me

What happened?

I met a girl, fell in love, proposed, started living together, bought a house, got married and had a baby.  My future wife quit working right after we got engaged and has not worked since.

Love or money?  I chose love and my life went downhill fast.

Marriage is a Business Arrangement

Great information from Bold and Determined

How to Pick the Right Wife

My favorite quote -

Getting married is a business decision. Marriage is a contract between two entities. You’ve got to enter into it with the ruthless mind of a determined businessman for it to work.

You’ve got to pick the right wife like a businessman picks a company to invest in. It shouldn’t be left to chance (“love”) – you’ve got to be pro-active, know what you want and then go after it.

Marriage isn’t about love or connecting with your soul-mate. Those are inventions of TV and movies. Marriage is an exchange of resources. Your wife shall provide A and you will provide B. If your wife doesn’t, or won’t, provide her share then she should not have the privilege of marriage with you.

I wish Victor was around before I decided to get married.  It's too late for me.  I have wasted decades of my life.  But it is not too late for you.

The Math on Love or Money

The problem with most jobs is that they pay only enough for one person. Most jobs pay at a rate that is fine for one person.

But trying to support a wife and 2 kids on a job that only supports one person  is a disaster.

Just divide one by four and you get one-fourth.

It is simple math.

I hate to be so cynical about marriage and love, but you need to know the truth.  Love of money?  The truth is that if you choose money, your life will be abundant.  If you choose love, your life will suck.

Love or Money, at least have a working wife

There is no way for you to live a decent life if your wife does not work. It just cannot happen.

The minimum happiness income is $75,000. That is a good amount for one person.

If you get married and your wife has a baby right away and quits working the $75,000 you make is now divided by three. Now each of the 3 has $25,000 a year to live on.

Instead of one person making the happiness income, you have 3 people living in poverty.

Dividing is the most difficult part of math and the most frustrating part of life.

You would need to make $225,000 a year to have the same lifestyle with three in the family.

No matter how competent you are and what your field is, $225,000 a year, every year, is quite a lot. 

Love or Money and the arguments

You will hear all kinds of arguments as to how I am wrong. Two can live as cheaply as one, a baby is not that expensive. Love is more important than money.  That is all just garbage talk. I am not interested in garbage, just truth.

The truth is that your living expenses are just a math problem.  And most people hate math.

They don’t hate math because math is so hard, they hate it because the truth of your life stares up at you from your checkbook register.

If I have $20 to spend on dinner for myself, I can get a pretty nice meal. If I have to divide $20 by 4 people, then that is 5 bucks each. It is just as simple as that.

We are continually brainwashed to think the opposite of the truth. I suspect it is just one more way to keep the majority of us under control.

The more I choose to concentrate on getting my money under control, the happier I get.  Love of money?  Choose money and love will fall into place.

› Love or Money

The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife.  You might be in the same situation I was in.  I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.

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