Take Your Life Back

Take your life back. You only have one life you know.  Whatever is going wrong, make it right.  And you know it's wrong when you are not happy, smiling and enjoying yourself most of the time.

Take your life back and believe that your happiness and your life is the most important thing.  One of the worst ways to think is that happiness is not one of the most important things in your life.

And you will always hear that your happiness is not important.  It is pounded into us, continually...relentlessly.

Take your life back and reject anyone who says that your happiness is not important.

Even if that someone is your wife.

When my wife would wear herself from giving me a me a good tongue lashing, criticizing me for all my faults and saw me moping around and depressed from her verbal abuse, she would say something like:

  • Don't take it so personally.
  • You have such thin skin.
  • Are you a man or a mouse.
  • A real man should be able to take a little constructive criticism.
  • Men need to be told what to do.

In her mind I should be happy that she would set me straight, using her sharp tongue to verbally abuse me into shape and molding me to be "correct," behave properly, agree with everything she said and bend over backwards acting on her demands.

Of course, will all this "correction" being happy was the furthest thing from my mind.  I was just trying to survive her wrath and make it through another miserable day.

For years of my miserable life I thought she was right. Maybe my skin was too thin. Maybe she knew best and was only criticizing me because I was such a pathetic loser. Maybe I should let it roll off my back, be a man about it and take it.

Take your life back was the farthest thought from my mind. 

After all, my happiness was not important.  Everyone else, was more important than me.

Sometimes scenes from movies fit into the stupid narrative you have playing in your head.  You internalize a terrible scene from a movie into your own life.

This scene from Platoon is where Sergeant Barnes puts his hand over the mouth of the screaming GI who is in agony from an injury. Barnes hisses to him to "Take the pain, your screaming is going to get us all killed."

Take the Pain Scene from Platoon

Gritting your teeth and getting through some sort of agony is only meant for temporary circumstances.  This is to be expected and being tough is a good thing.  But being tough all the time to just live your life everyday in pain, frustration and misery is totally not necessary.

I took the pain from my wife's verbal abuse for years. I internalized the sentiment from the movie.  I can deal.  I can handle.  My life is not important. I'm tough.  I'm a man.  Me being happy is not important.

I know a lot of you think this same stupid way that I did.

But it was just a movie. There is no need for you to take the pain and have thicker skin.  Don't take the pain.  Do something about it.  Take your life back.

Don't put up with sarcasm, ridicule and verbal abuse of any kind in your relationships.  Take your life back and keep your skin thin.

I finally realized that all what she was saying about me was wrong. She had no right to criticize me and spend hours screaming at me with all she deemed were my faults. None. No right.  I describe how I woke up in my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.

If someone is treating you poorly and you don't like it, tell them to stop. If they will not or cannot stop, you HAVE TO leave them.

Take the happiness of your life seriously.  People lashing out at you it is a signal that the person is not good for you.  Your life is too important to keep putting yourself in situations like this. 

Hearing my wife lecture me, belittle me, criticize me and verbally abuse me, did not help me.  It only made me despise her and leave her.  Take your life back.

I hate people who are hard on others.  Take your life back and get away from them.

My First Thoughts on How to Take Your Life Back

Sometimes I think about how my life would be if I had never met my wife.  How much money would I have now?  How much would my investments be wort?  How big would my pensions be?  I'd be a millionaire, wouldn't I?

Would I have benched 405?  Would I deadlft 600?  Would my belly be flat and lean and would my muscles be massive and defined?

Would I have traveled all over the world? Would I have had sex with ???? women?

But, that's wrong thinking.  Instead of thinking of what I missed and the problems and frustrations I dealt with, I want my thinking to be...I overcame, I won. 

I needed to go through all that to get to the happier place I am now.  I needed my wife in my life to co-create our 2 precious children.  I needed to love, help, protect, care for and provide a great life to her for part of her life to ensure our children were cared for and nurtured.

She needed me so she could thrive to give life to our precious children. 

I can't change the past, but I can acknowledge it and instead of thinking like the victim, I think like the victor. I won.  I'm here.  I'm a happier man in full control of my life and future.  My wonderful marriage turned into a nightmare that I escaped from.

But you can use the past wisely and try to recapture some of the good things from your past.

Take Your Life Back by Adding in the Best Elements of the Younger You with Your Current Life

I was really happy with quite a bit of my life in the years between 1987 -1992.  In some ways I was at the top of my game.. 

I looked good

  • I had a full head of hair and all my teeth
  • I wore contacts all the time and tried to dress well
  • I had a flat (ish) belly
  • I was fairly fit and muscular.  When I was in my best shape, some people accused me of being on steroids (I wasn't).

Me in 1992. Lots of hair. Cool shirt. Great shape. All my teeth. Having a beer at a game with friends. Good times.

I made a good income and was rapidly accumulating assets

  • I started my Civil Engineering career and within a short time I was well-respected and the go-to engineer.
  • My only debt by 1992 was a loan on my 1991 Honda Accord that I was rapidly paying off.  My student loans and credit card bills were behind me.
  • I had a variety of savings and investments, CD's, targeted savings accounts, mutual funds, stocks, bonds and deferred compensation.

I Was Having a Lot of Fun

  • I worked hard and steady at work, but I did not work excessively hard or at a frantic pace.  There was opportunity to loaf and joke around.
  • I had a lot of fun with some of my co-workers during work, at lunch outings, happy hours and social events.
  • I enjoyed the time I spent weight training and other exercise.  I did not find it a grind, I found it to be very satisfying to push myself to my physical limits.
  • This was pre-internet, but I still read widely on all sorts of interesting topics.
  • I enjoyed a bit of TV, sporting events and movies.
  • I went out to eat enough to know I loved not cooking and getting waited on.
  • I did some major outdoor activities like downhill skiing, hunting and fishing.
  • I did a lot of traveling.  Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego, Tijuana, Atlanta, New Orleans, Savannah, Florida, Chicago, Minneapolis and all over my home state of Wisconsin.
  • I partied hard with friends most weekends.  We drank, joked around, laughed until our sides hurt, danced, flirted and sometimes had luck with the ladies.  It was an awesome time.
  • I sometimes met girls fairly easily, especially at big party events where everybody was drinking and having a good time.
  • I got to no strings attached sex fairly easily with women.  Some of them awesomely beautiful.
  • I enjoyed having a few girlfriends.
  • I saw my family often and always had a great family time.
  • My life was fun, satisfying, easy and relaxed

Take Your Life Back - But I Did Have Hangups and Frustrations in Those Good Old Days

I Felt Guilty

  • For hooking up with random women
  • For breaking hearts
  • For not being honest with women about what I wanted...wild, fun sexual adventures with no commitments.
  • That I did not complete my Masters Degree.
  • That I had it too easy at work
  • For buying nice things for myself or even thinking about them.
  • For wearing nice clothes.
  • That I drove drunk.
  • About partying and having fun.

I Had Some Major Inconveniences

  • It was a 4 hour drive to my home town to see my parents and friends.  At that time the speed limit was 55 mph, even on the freeway.
  • I had a poor work schedule.  You had to be there at 8 am and stay until 4:45 pm.
  • It seemed like I was always short of time.

I Had Body Issues

  • I was not comfortable being naked.
  • I felt like I was fat because I did not have 6-pack abs.
  • I still felt like the fat kid.
  • I could not get the defined muscles I really wanted even with lifting so much.  I did not realize that I was eating way too many carbs, way too little meat and that hugely defined muscles required steroids.

I Would Not Spend Money to Make Major Improvements in My Life

  • I had a nice, newer Honda Accord, but I really wanted Ford Explorer SUV.
  • I did not buy a supportive, comfortable bed and comfortable, large couch.  So I did not sleep that well or was ever really that comfortable in my home.
  • I did not spend more on an apartment with the most important features...an outdoor deck or patio in the sun, close to the nightlife, or on a bus line to get to the nightlife inexpensively.

I Was Improving My Body & Fitness and Looks but I was Still Doing Things Wrong and was Misguided

  • I did not get enough sun.  My lifestyle was not set up very well for getting sun.  I had no flexibility at work.  My apartments did not have a private area in the sun.
  • I was self-conscious about taking off my shirt in public to get some sun even though I was in good shape.
  • I wore too tight of underwear and pants reducing my testosterone and impacting my masculine appearance.
  • I ate way too many junk-type and regular carbs.  Breakfast cereal, doughnuts, bananas, rice cakes, bagels, bread, rice, pasta and regular beer.  I did not focus on eating red meat.  I wish I had just focused on eating plenty of red meat, low-carb beer and zero carb drinks with just a bit of junk food occasionally.
  • I had a full head of hair, but did not take care of it.  I had dandruff and rarely used a conditioner so my hair was stiff and coarse.
  • I had all my teeth but made little effort to whiten them or take better care of them.
  • Weight training helped me incredibly, but I over did it and was usually exhausted, had nagging injuries and sometimes I suffered major injuries.
  • I did not realize that the bodybuilders in the magazines were all on steroids so I pushed myself with their routines and suffered not only the inevitable injuries but the mental pain of not creating the body I thought I should have.

I was Fearful, Anxious and Envious

  • I could not speak up.
  • I could not do any public speaking.
  • I could not go out to bars, clubs and parties alone.
  • If I could not get together with friends on the weekend to go out, I would get extremely depressed thinking of the wasted chances and be bored at home alone.
  • I was jealous of other men.  Men, with more money, more prestigious careers, nicer cars, bigger muscles, leaner waists, bigger penises, who could talk to girls without being drunk and seemed to know what to say.  Men who were carefree.
  • I was not comfortable with women unless I was perfectly drunk.

Take Your Life Back
My Life Now is So Happy and Satisfying

You can take your life back like I did. Me at 55, still partying with friends, just not as often as when I was a young man.

Most of the hangups and issues I had as a younger man, I have put behind me.

  • I can speak up.
  • I can get up in front of a crowd and give a presentation.
  • I can meet new friends.
  • I can go up and talk to women.
  • I can go out on the town alone.
  • I can travel alone.
  • I can stay home alone on the weekend and enjoy it.
  • I can take my shirt off in public and get some sun.
  • I don't mind being naked.
  • I marvel at the success of other men and love to hear how they got to where they are.
  • I can stop working out when I now I've had enough.

I still have the rewarding career and the relaxed, fun work environment. I am back building my financial life. 

And best of all, I have much deeper relationships with my family, friends and my children.

Take Your Life Back Wrap Up

Combine the best of the old you with the best of the new you.  And leave the worst of the old you and worst of the new you behind.

Focus on what you can do now, today, tomorrow and the future to take your life back toward your ideal life.

› Take Your Life Back

The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife.  You might be in the same situation I was in.  I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.

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