How to Be a Happier Young Man
and the Mistakes to Avoid

At times I was a happier young man with some success in a variety of areas.  But not nearly the quantity and quality that was possible.  Looking back here is some advice for me as a young man that I wish someone would have told me. 

I could saved myself lots of problems and could have increased my fun and adventures exponentially.

Instead of fully enjoying my life as a happier young man, I suffered and struggled.  When I finally woke up, got my mind right and decided to make changes in my 40's and 50's I had to put in extreme amounts of effort to undo the damage and resolve the ridiculous issues that I put myself in.  In some ways I am still suffering to this day.  I fear that some of the issues I might never be able to fully undo.

It is not necessary for a happier young man to struggle and suffer, in spite of what the world says.

I look out at the world and see young men going down some of the wrong paths I took and I know that their lives will be limited and potentially miserable  because of it

So here are a number of things I wish I had done differently and why I think I could have been a much happier young man.

Me,a happier young man when I was in my mid-20's looking good and very happy

A Happier Young Man Would Not Do Any Type of Exercise that Is Guaranteed to Cause Suffering

No Bounce Around Cardio Workouts

I tried bounce around cardio workouts in my college days because there was a bunch of sexy, little, cardio women in them and I thought I would become a happier young man if I could get with them.

Plus, I thought it was important to be cardio fit.

I never got fit doing these workouts.  Just extremely sore, exhausted with aching feet and lower legs.

These types of workouts are a very ineffective way for men to improve their bodies. Larger guys, like me, are especially susceptible to lower body damage.

These workouts are exhausting and sap your energy for more effective weight training, your schooling,  work and fun.

I did not get anywhere with the cardio ladies anyway.  Women prefer big, strong, powerful men.  Not boys bouncing around trying to do women's workouts.

No Long Distance Jogging

I worked up to a 5 mile run one day.  I chafed my legs so badly, I could not walk or do anything really for weeks.

Long distance running is actually even worse than  bounce around cardio for the potential damage to your lower legs for bigger guys.   If you get good at it, you will look emaciated.  And whether you get good at is or stay bad at it, your knees, calves, ankles and feet will take an enormous pounding potentially leaving you in a constant state of pain.  Plus, it's extremely boring compared to weight training workouts.

No man in his right mind would prefer to look like a runner if he could look like a muscular weight-trained, powerful athlete.

A better method would be to incorporate a bit of sprinting...occasionally or periodically, if you feel the need to improve your wind or endurance for some special events.

Minimal Long Bike Rides

This is a tough one.  Biking is quite fun and not nearly harmful to you as running...unless you wipe out or get hit by a car. 

But I would still not do it as much as I did. 

The main problems are it hurts the area where you sit.  I think you can damage your private parts, reduce your testosterone and even decrease the size or your penis and testicles.

You will certainly be chased by mean dogs and have to dodge cars.  And you have the ultimate problem of wiping out and suffering enormous injuries.

Luckily  I never got seriously injured biking, but the potential for catastrophic injury is high.

No Excessive Ab Exercises

Working out your abs in the quest of six pack abs is a kind of pointless goal for most men unless you are already lean or make a living by having your shirt off. 

Some ab work is good.  But a happier young man will find that heavy squatting, deadlifts and pressing will firm up and strengthen your abs incredibly.  With my heavy weight workouts, I feel like I could take a punch to the gut quite well.

If you  truly want to get and maintain 6 pack abs, you have to barely eat.

A Happier Young Man Would Not Do High Rep Squats

I sometimes did 20 rep sets of squats with over 300 pounds.  These high rep sets are recommended by bodybuilders.  They may be useful if you are trying to gain 50 pounds of muscular body weight in a few months.

But for most men, they are big a mistake.

These high rep, exhausting sets take massive amounts of energy.  They effectively wipe you out for days, maybe even weeks making other workouts ineffective and unproductive and more or less ruining the rest of your life for days afterward. You will be incredibly sore and it will be difficult to even walk for days.

The only way to more easily recover from high rep squatting and make good progress with your other training is to take steroids.

Weight training is supposed to improve your life, not make it worse.

There is nothing worse than not being able to walk and enjoy the rest of your life.

Plus, they tend to blow up your thighs enormously if you are already a bigger guy.  Usually big guys have big legs already.  What you want are strong legs, in proportion with the rest of your body and muscular enough to look good.

I would focus on 5 reps maximum with increasing weight to develop strength. 

As I am getting older, sometimes I need to use 3 reps as a goal when the weight gets large.

You will develop very strong legs from this type of training.  This will provide a big carryover effect to make the rest of your life better.  Your legs will not be so exhausted and sore from excessive reps.  Your legs and body will get very strong for skiing, hiking, running, walking, dancing and sex.

Plus, you will develop the type of strong looking, rounded butt that women love to look at and touch making you a much happier young man with the added female attention.

No High Reps on All Movements

Looking back at all my injuries, they usually happened when I was fatigued and unable to maintain good form.  High reps will always cause you to fatigue.  That is what they are designed to do.

Even if you get some extra development and muscle size from doing high rep sets, the risk it rarely worth it.

From Starting Strength

Bad Advice About High Reps

Favorite quote -

Here’s the critical point: fatigue produces sloppy movement, and sloppy movement produces injuries. A set of 10 gets sloppy at about rep number 8 or 9, unless you’re an experienced lifter, and even then it’s damned hard to hold good form on the last reps of a high-rep set. A set of 5 ends before you get fatigued – 5 reps is an interesting compromise between heavy weight and higher reps.

I would emphasize 3 to 5 reps on the big movements (squats, deadlifts, bench press and press) and 5 to 10 reps on all the other accessory and assistance exercises.

A Happier Young Man Would Not Overdo Exercise Of Any Kind

Overdoing exercise of any kind is a big mistake.  You want to feel good all the time.  I've been guilty of this over and over again.  I get too excited about progress in the gym, push myself beyond my capacity at the time and suffer. 

Overdoing it comes in many forms:

  • Too high of reps 
  • Too many sets
  • Too many exercises
  • The wrong exercises
  • Too much weight for your capacity
  • Not enough rest between sets
  • Not enough recovery time between workouts
  • Using training aids (belts and wraps) to lift through injuries
  • Continuing to train in spite of injuries and illness
  • Adding excessively long cardio workouts before or after weight training
  • Excessive cardio workouts while weight training intensely

The motivation to workout through the pain comes from your much stronger mind. 

It's better to use your mind to plan your workouts staying a little below your threshold.  Do enough, but not too much and go into the workout feeling good. 

A Happier Young Man Would Avoid Very Taxing Workouts When You Have Something Big Coming up

Instead of going into a big, fun-filled holiday party weekend beat, sore, hurt and exhausted, I would go into a weekend like this refreshed and energized and ready to party.

I would avoid getting exhausted if I had something big at work the next day.  Similar to how you would avoid getting wasted the night before a big exam or important work day.

Use weight training to make your life better, not be your life.

I would not worry so much about individual body part exercises

I would focus on working heavy on the main lifts - Squats, Deadlifts, Benching, Presses and Rows.

Plus, I would not be so concerned with increasing the weights on assistance exercises.  Typically, you get as strong as you can with assistance exercises and just keep using the same weight while you are increasing the weight on the big movements.

A happier young man focusing on developing massive strength. Plus, the deadlift makes you look sexier

I would do enough arm work to get bigger arms.  But heavy benches, presses and rows will increase your arm size. 

The main extra work you do should be for your forearms to beef them up and maybe get some veins.  If you don't do any other weight training at all, at least work your foreams.

Men always look best if they have good forearms. 

Avoid the Feeling to Max Out Before a Vacation

I was always trying to set a performance record before a holiday weekend or vacation.  Many of these times I would be nursing a strained muscle or injury from this type of stupid ego move.

No one has ever asked me how much I can lift when I was on vacation or out partying.  Women do not care about how much you lift. 

They only care that you look masculine and that you are much stronger than they are. 

A Happier Young Man Would Not Eat and Drink the Wrong Stuff

Not So Many Carbs

Carbs are the enemy for keeping your weight under control.  If you can severely limit your carbs most of the time, you will get and stay lean as a happier young man. 

But this is darn difficult too. 

Carbs are cheap.  Buying good meat may be out of your budget.  But if you can afford it, just eat a mostly meat diet. 

I would save my carbs for fun events.  Beer on the weekends.  A big pancake breakfast a few times a year.  Pizza once a month.  Big meals your mom cooks for the holiday feasts. 

You might think of it as a mostly meat diet.

I still cringe at the massive amount of carbs I ate almost every day.  Cereal, oatmeal or toast for breakfast.  A banana or bagel for a mid-morning snack.  A big sandwich with either a third slice of bread or 2 sandwiches for lunch, with a carrot and maybe another piece of fruit.  The afternoon snack would be rice cakes, maybe more fruit or cookies or a bagel.  Dinner would be a very small amount of meat but a huge amount of either pasta, potatoes or rice, with vegetables. 

Plus regular beer every weekend.  Plus donuts whenever they were available.  Plus pizza and other junk food.

No wonder I couldn't keep the year around flat belly I really wanted in spite of working out like a fiend.

A Happier Young Man Would Not Be Afraid to Eat Mostly Meat

Eat red meat as your main food source.  The evidence is starting to mount up that red meat is the healthiest food for humans and that the more you minimize plants of any kind (corn, wheat, potatoes, rice, sugar, fruit and vegetables), the leaner, more muscular, more energetic,  and more vigorous you will become.

Fascinating ideas for a happier young man's health and Vitality


A Happier Young Man Would Not Eat So Often

I ate breakfast, a mid-morning snack, lunch, a mid-afternoon snack and dinner.  5 times a day.  That is way too much.  Try for twice a day most days.  Maybe once a day after a particular bad carb binge like before and after a holiday feast.  Maybe a full day fast every once in awhile.

Don't Drink So Much High Carb Alcohol

I would still go out drinking and partying.  But I would change things quite a bit.

I would drink light, low-carb beer rather than the full strength beer.  This limits carbs and calories and you avoid getting full and bloated.  Plus, there is less alcohol and you get less drunk.

I would try to experiment with other drinks instead of just beer. 

I would drink water throughout the night too.  Replacing a beer or two or three with water.

A Happier Young Man Would Not 

  • Get married.  I'm divorced now and jaded about the entire institution of marriage.  But I think if young men would take plenty of time with relationship commitments, your chances of a great life skyrocket.  I got married way too fast and it took enormous effort to leave my wife and start my life over.  I basically lost every penny of money I made up to about 4 years after the divorce was finalized.  So instead of being on my way to a retirement with a few million in investments, I have had to seriously adapt my life.
  • Be in a hurry, especially with making any type of commitment.  It is very difficult to make good decisions on college, trainings, jobs, large purchases and relationships if you are in a hurry. 
  • Waste time on anything that did not make my life better.
  • Spend money on non-essentials.  Focus all the money you have on improving your life. 
  • Focus on the distant future.  Put a bit of money away for your retirement but not at the expense of a great life now.
  • Worry about the news.
  • Collect anything.  I had started a comic book collection in grade school.  I kept it up, buying them through high school and college.  This was a waste of time and money.  It took time to get the comic books, read them and store them.  They are very expensive.
  • Have so much stuff to move around. I moved all the time in those days.  Each move was a lot of effort.  I wish I had a lot less stuff.
  • Be afraid to speak up.  I would ask for what I want.  For example, I never asked family for anything specific for Christmas and birthdays.  So I never really received anything that useful.  Or I would get something that conflicted with how I wanted to look or feel.  How would anyone know what to give you unless you tell them?  

A Happier Young Man Would Not...

Wear the Wrong Pants

I would not wear, overly tight and heavy jeans.  It's much better to wear more expensive, better fitting but looser jeans.  The problem with heavy, tight jeans is they they squash down your penis and genitals into your body or down between your legs giving you a non-existent bulge.  You want your jeans to be very soft, maybe even stretchy to flatter you.  Not heavy.

These should be a well-known or fancy brand that women will recognize.  Wearing nice jeans is just something men need to do to stay in the running with other men.

Wear Tight White Brief Underwear

Tight, white brief underwear is extremely ugly.  You should be prepared to take your pants off at any moment.  You want to look good when you do.  You never know.

I've been at late night parties and strip poker parties where I ended up in just my underwear.  You don't want the embarrassment.

Plus, the worst part is that tight, white brief underwear has that same devastating effect on your private parts as tight jeans.  Spend plenty of money on nice, loose boxer shorts.

Wear Ugly Cheap Shoes

Always wear good shoes and boots.  This is a large expense but worth it when you compare how terrible men look with ugly, cheap shoes to how great men look with good looking shoes . 

Wear Ugly Jackets

Buy an excellent leather jacket or two.   One of cool weather and one for cold weather.  These are expensive as hell.  The work around on these is to scour second hand stores and want ads.  A leather jacket does not really ever wear out like shoes do.

Keep Clothes That Looked Bad

If all your clothes make you look good, with colors that look good on you and flatter you, a happier young man would never have to worry about what to wear. 

Keep a smaller wardrobe of only the best.

This will force you to keep up on your laundry, making sure your favorites are ready and keeping you spending enough money and time gradually improving your wardrobe over time.

You have to be ruthless on this.  I would always get a clothes as gifts from well-meaning family, but usually their taste was horrible.  Instead of the good-looking, sexier guy look that I was trying to cultivate, they gave me the dad look or even worse, the senior citizen look clothes.

Worry About 6 Pack Abs

A year around flat belly is a better and doable goal, will give you a great look and still allow you to enjoy life with drinks and good food. 

Another big problem with a six pack is you are effectively better looking than most women, therefore, sometimes too intimidating. Just focus on a getting leaner with a flat belly and save plenty of energy for actually doing things with the ladies.

It's better to eat as much as you need to recover from your workouts and enjoy your life.

Be Afraid  of the Sun

I never prioritized an apartment with a deck or patio in the sun.  I do now.  I get out in the sun and soak up the healthy rays as much as I can.

I don't worry about getting too much sun because it is not always sunny where I live and I work inside.  I can only be outside so much.

At work, I would get outside every nice day at lunch hour, strip off my shirt and soak up the mid-day sun for 20 to 30 minutes.  Instead, I typically just sat at my work desk and read newspapers or news magazines.

Get in the sun more to have some color.  Obviously, don't get burned.  If you are eating lots of red meat, you will tend to not get sunburned.

The health effects of the sun are enormous.  When you are healthier, you look sexier.  It is not just the color, or tanning effect.

Be Ashamed to Do Things That Increased Your Sexiness

I only thought about looking sexy on Friday and Saturday nights.  And then only to a certain extent.  Sexiness should be something you are always trying to improve.  If other people (family, friends, employers, co-workers, etc.) cannot deal with this, tough.

  • Experiment with various types of facial hair.
  • Learn to dance.  It is the easiest way to show girls you are comfortable moving your body around.
  • Get and maintain great hair and hairstyle
  • Wear cool and sexy accessories.  I was always afraid to do this for fear of ridicule from my friends and family.  Your friends will shut up when they see how women love to get their hands on you to touch your rings, watch, bracelet and necklaces.
  • Wear nice clothes and shoes.  Spend some money here.
  • Wear cologne.  This is a simple, extremely effective way for women to respond positively to you.  They will get close to smell you.  They will comment positively to you.  They will love to hug, hold and kiss you if you smell good.
  • Keep a year around tan.  Again, you just look healthier and like a guy who has a cool life outside.
  • Say no to extra food, especially high carb food.  Bigger guys like me are always being offered free food.  It is maddening when you are trying to reduce the volume of food you eat.

Be Afraid to Ask Others For Help

One of my best friends had a brand of cologne that women loved.  I cannot even count how many times I overheard a woman say she loved how he smelled while they were busy making out right in front of me.

I was extremely jealous at times, but I never asked him what brand it what it was.

One of my best friends was a very good dresser, women were always complimenting him on his clothes.  One time I was shopping with him and he recommended a really great pair of shorts that I did buy.  They looked great on me and had a very soft fabric.  Many women commented on these shorts saying how great they looked on how they loved the material.  Usually as they were running their sexy hands all over my shorts, legs and ass as we were making out like fiends and before I stripped them off to jump into bed with them. 

I only asked him for advice that one time.

I never asked my friends what they said to girls when they introduced themselves.  If your friends go up to girls right in front of you, start talking to them, have a good interaction leading to some dancing, some kissing, a number exchange, future dates and sex, why wouldn't they share what they said?

Many times, you don't know what to say.  You want to collect some recent examples that might be good for you to use.

A happier young man should ask his friends about the girl or girls you're with before you start getting too serious.

I did listen to my friends stories, sometimes in awe.  And I would try to piece together some of their better moves.  But I never just asked them.

More Ideas to be A Happier Young Man

Focus on Having a More Exciting, Adventurous, Fun Life

  • Go out as many Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights as possible but without the expectation to "get laid."  Focus on fun and helping others to have fun.  The fun leads to meeting more people, including girls, which leads to talking which leads to more.
  • Talk to more people and do it all the time.
  • Make an effort to find the best, most fun places to go and on what days.  Sometimes a great place for a Thursday evening after work happy hour sucks for Friday and Saturday night.
  • Enjoy the change of seasons, anticipate them and take advantage of them.  Autumn is great for Saturday morning and afternoon college football tailgate parties and Sunday afternoon NFL parties.  Summer is great for Saturday and Sunday afternoon parties at the beach or lake.
  • Don't be afraid to go out alone.
  • Make more friends and acquaintances you can go out with or have parties with.
  • Continue to be loyal to your good friends.
  • Travel more and travel by yourself.
  • Go to as many of the big worldwide party festivals as possible.  This is where the real adventures happen.
  • Make use of the entire weekend.  Many people more or less waste their Sundays fretting about work.  This is a huge mistake. 
  • Keep plenty of energy in reserve so you can stay out late at night.  You want to be able to stay out until bar time and go to after parties both Friday and Saturday nights.  Plus a Thursday night out.  Plus a Sunday afternoon.  If you workout too hard and have an overtime intensive job, you won't have the energy.
  • Go to the events that girls like, usually music focused.  You cannot meet more girls in person if there are no girls there.  Be more carefree with girls.  Talk to more girls.  Get comfortable talking to girls.  Ask them out more.  Get some good advice from experts.

A Happier Young Man and Some Money Ideas

Plenty of cash makes for a much more fun-filled life
  • Instead of focusing the largest amount on savings and investments, a happier young man would focus the bulk of my money on fun and adventure.  Instead of being so tight with my fun money, I would just enjoy it.
  • Never tell anyone how much money you have.  Keep this to yourself, forever.
  • Develop an emergency fund of 3 months living expenses.
  • Take advantage of employer sponsored benefits.
  • Fund work investment plan to a company match.
  • Instead of maxing out a retirement fund I would fund a normal investment so I could access this money before retirement.
  • I would spend some of my free time making extra money and then make sure this extra money was targeted to my happier young man fun and for making my future even happier.

Mistakes that A Happier Young Man Would Not Make

Happier Young Man Wrap Up

You will be a much happier young man if you can avoid making big mistakes and spend as much of your time as possible getting your mind right, taking appropriate action and then enjoying your life.

If you minimize the damage you do to yourself your life automatically gets better.

I'm not a young man anymore, but I am extremely happy
› Happier Young Man

The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife.  You might be in the same situation I was in.  I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.

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