It is in your best interest to make some leave your wife preparations so you can more easily leave her on your timetable.
I spent a long time
preparing to leave my wife. It wasn't so much that I was so with it and
smart. I was fearful and afraid. I felt I had
to at least spend some time doing something productive.
My wife and I had all the normal financial issues and differences that doom many marriages, but I was willing to overlook all of those issues. What I could not continue to deal with was her verbal abuse.
As I was spending months or maybe even years of my precious life preparing to leave I was hoping that she would just magically get nice again and I could forget all about leaving her.
But that did not happen. As I was preparing, she became suspicious and ramped up her verbal abuse making my already miserable life even worse.
Even after I fully understood verbal abuse and the damage it was causing me, I spent years waiting, trying to decide to leave my wife. The best part of my life was lived in timid fear of my wife and what she might do.
Be Ready to Tell Your Wife Some White Lies about Your Whereabouts
You are going to need some free time to get prepared. These steps will require time. You need to find a way to carve out enough time to do them. You are so busy working hard to pay the bills and catering to the orders from your demanding wife that you have very little time that is not accounted for.
You get up at the last instant to have time to get ready for work and hustle there. You hurry home right after work to get your evening chore orders barked at you. You collapse late at night exhausted to try to get a few hours of fitful sleep to do it all again the next day.
A Few Ideas:
You need some
reasons to explain why you are not at home and listening to her verbal abuse. You may even want to take a few hours of
vacation from work here and there so you can do some preparing during the day.
Obtain a new home address at the UPS Store
Do not tell your wife. Do not tell anyone. It is more expensive than a Post Office Box,
but because it is a street address, it is much better because people and
businesses will assume this address is an apartment because of the way it is
This will, in effect, be your second home now as you begin to establish a new financial life, a place to receive important paperwork and your future home once you leave your wife.
Do not give them your home phone number or normal cell phone number.
You want to start using this address for your new private mailings instead of your home. You will be able to use the internet for many things and transactions but you still need a physical address to get some of the next items established.
Obtain a new in-your-name-only bank account
Get a separate, in your name only, checking and savings account in a different financial institution in a different city using your new UPS Store address as your home address. Do not give them your home address. A credit union is usually best with the lowest fees and lowest amount of money to open.
Do this a few cities over from where you live or totally online in an institution far from home. You don’t want to run into your wife or a nosy neighbor at the bank. Mine was 3 cities over and about 12 miles from our house. It was between our house and my job so it was convenient. But this bank isn’t for convenience, it’s for privacy.
As soon as the divorce papers are filed have your payroll people at work transfer your paycheck to this bank.
Obtain a new in-your-name-only credit card
Apply for a new in-your-name-only credit card using your new UPS address. Do not give them your home address. Do not give them your home phone number. Do not give them your normal cell phone number. This is where having an extra cell phone would come in handy.
You may not quality for much credit at this point. I was only able to get a small amount of credit, but whatever you can get will help.
Accumulated cash and some available credit will really help your leave your wife preparations. You will need a sizeable retainer for an attorney. You will need money to get a place to stay and survive.
I do elaborate on all of these leave your wife preparations in my book - Leave Your Wife and Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.
Some other leave your wife preparations tips from another resource -
9 Common Sense Pieces of Divorce Advice for Men
This is a good article, but if you are in the midst of a marriage with a verbally abusive wife, you may not be able to make use of this advice.
Your finances are going to be devastated after you leave your wife and for many years afterwards. Try to avoid big expenses in the time period when you are preparing. You may need to leave sooner rather later if your wife insists on making some major financial expenses like new furniture, a big trip, a new car, home remodeling, another child, a new home or her quitting her job.
You will need to be patient with rebuilding your financial life after you leave. This will take years...or longer.
While it's always a good idea to prepare for critical elements of your life, if you are in a verbally abusive marriage, you need to be ready to leave at anytime
I mean anytime. Do not wait until you have all of this in order if your wife is making your life a living hell.
Leave first and worry about putting things in order once you are gone. Be ready to leave with just the clothes on your back. If you are thinking of leaving you may be acting differently and your wife may get suspicious. She may escalate her abuse in an effort to control you even further and antagonize you to do something you will regret. Control your emotions. Don’t get violent with her, leave her. You may be forced to run without being totally ready.
The most important thing to do is
leave. You can start to determine what
to do after you leave.
The only way I could become the happier man I am today was by leaving my wife. You might be in the same situation I was in. I suggest you take a look at my book - Leave Your Wife & Become a Happier Man with the 3 Step System.
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