Low stress fathering is possible. It is impossible to be a totally stress-free as a father, too many things can go wrong that are not under your control. But you can get to low stress.
This article has some great tips on how making better choices will improve your life, especially on career choices and number of children.
This is first because it is the most difficult.
I don't envy
younger men who want to have families. It is so difficult to think of
finding a woman who will happily and cheerfully birth and care for your
children and do this for the long term...decades. Without getting lazy, entitled, angry, sarcastic, maybe even abusive and going out of her way to throw your life into a chaotic mess.
I am single now, and have been raising my kids on my own the last 5 years. I could not enjoy low stress fathering because my wife was creating massive stress and chaos in my life.
I left her.
I do believe that my wife was a very good mother to our children when they were babies and young. She did most of the good things. She was loving, attentive and wanted the best for them.
But the problems she had that drove me away, drove away the kids too. She was not a good enough mother as they grew up for the kids to stay. My son left her at 16 and my daughter at 12.
They saw how much better I was doing away from her. I was so happy and relaxed, living in peace. They saw this at our brief visits. I forced myself into their lives and they forced their mother to allow me in.
Eventually they could not tolerate her and left to be with me.
Each day I am grateful they made it and are doing fine.
This is huge. One child is quite easy to raise and does not have to be that expensive. Everything is cheaper with only one child. You can get by in a cheap 2 bedroom apartment for example.
As the child gets older they get easier and easier to handle.
Two is ok as long as there is a gap in their ages. You need the older one to be out of diapers and able to do quite a bit on their own. You want that older one to be old enough to stay near you, not run out in the street while you are attending to the little one. An older one can help you a bit with the younger one. Usually you want the older one to be at least 3 years old before the next.
If there is a gap in their ages you can usually avoid the sibling rivalry and bullying that goes on between close aged kids.
I have 2 kids and this worked for us.
Three kids in today's world is very expensive and difficult. You need a huge, expensive house to even fit that many people for one thing.
People with four or more now just have an incredibly difficult life. Far too difficult. You need to be very rich to have any kind of a life. You need a hard working saint for the mother. You need very helpful extended family. You need to be rich.
Being rich is key to having a lot of kids....sorry.
If you keep the number down to one or two, your life will still be difficult, but not as. You don't have to be rich.
If you cannot take care of yourself extremely well, you will not be a good father. You need a lot of money...a lot. Even if you are stingy and tight with the children's wants and needs, it is more expensive. The world is set up to extract money from fathers and there is nothing you can do about it.
Low stress fathering requires plenty of income.
You need to be up and well over the happier income level before your even think about marriage and children. You need your wife to be working too at some level of work that makes sense. Teachers are probably the best wives.
Wives that work at time consuming, stress-filled careers, not really possible. The only thing that is good about women with those types of jobs is the money and the ability to pay women who do love children to care for yours.
You need to make enough money that paying bills is not that big of a deal. The bills come in and you pay them. Unplanned expenses pop up, and you have enough cash to deal with them. You want to go out for lunch at work, you do. You want to take the family out for dinner, no big deal. You can have decent cars. You can take a family trip. You can do some man type fun.
All this require money.
If you don't have enough, the stress mounts. The less you have, the more the stress piles up until you are a terrible dad, barely able to put cheap food on a rickety table in a leaking dump of a place taking out your frustrations on your defenseless terrified children.
Yeah, money is important for low stress fathering.
The mother needs to do most of the work but it is still good to be available.
If you are constantly flying and driving to meetings across the country or the world, you won't be available. Just saying.
You will have to work hard at the type of job to make enough money and to have the critically important great health insurance plan for families.
And you need vacation time to help them, to make sure they are ok and to enjoy them.
I mean the feeding, diapering, staying up all night hard work of raising a baby. That is the mothers job. You help her, but it is her job.
If the woman you are planning on having a baby with is not the type to do this...keep looking.
Low stress fathering does not include too much of this type of work.
Even when you're exhausted. Even if you just want to forget about how hard it is to raise them.
You need to keep your eyes on them.
You don't need to be doing for them, playing with them all the time, reading to them, keeping them entertained. The constant hovering around them is maddening, will increase your stress exponentially and is not what a good father does.
You just need to know what they are doing, where they are and who they are with.
It helps to use the resources that are available for this
There is is enough hard work involved to put in place all these helpers. But that is what a good father does.
Low stress fathering is much easier if you know what the kids are doing.
Your life needs to be your priority. You need to make yourself as fit, as muscular, as rich, as happy as possible. You are able to do so much more for your children when your life is overflowing.
When you are flabby, weak, depressed and broke, you won't be much of a father.
You need to be happy with your life so that the stress of raising them is something you can take in stride rather than being overwhelmed.
Flabby, weak, depressed, broke men are the worst fathers. You are much more likely to commit child abuse the worse your life is.
Have a good life so your children don't have to suffer.
Low stress fathering will make your life good and your kids lives good.
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