It's possible to be a happier dad. You just don't see
this that much.
Most fathers are miserable. Hen pecked by their wives. Overworked and broke. Exhausted and in poor health. Flabby, weak, crabby with no free time and no money to do anything anyway.
It's extremely hard being a dad and the way the world is doesn't help you at all.
You have to help yourself because everyone else is not going to help you. Sorry, but that is how it is.
They are older because they have spent their 20's, 30's and maybe even their 40's and early 50's living a fantastic man's life.
Or they have reoriented their lives to revolve around happiness like I have.
Here is a sampling of what you can do as a single man that you cannot do as a dad
Some of these may seem like shallow pursuits to some. But you have to admit you want these things. You want them because this is a common list of what makes men happy.
Society is not concerned with your happiness. That is your job.
Society wants you to go to college, finishing as fast as possible, get into big debt to do so, get a normal job that pays normally and that you don't dislike enough to quit, get married as early in your 20's as possible and start having multiple babies that further tie you down for the rest of your life.
That is the normal script written for you by others for their benefit.
There was a brief time when this script was not so bad for men. Maybe the 1950's through the early 1980's.
Men could go to college, have sex with girls, meet a good one, get a good job, make a good living, easily pay for you, her and some kids and still have money left over to do man things like hunt, fish, camp, golf, drink a lot, eat what you like and maybe even have a mistress.
All the fun of life has been denied to men who choose the normal script.
You are a slave to the normal script.
But if you flip the script, maybe even burn the script, don't follow the rules, you will have a fantastic life that you cannot believe. At a minimum, delay the normal script for as long as possible to prolong your happiness and develop an incredible memory bank to sustain you through the hard times.
Ideal Age to Have Your First Child
The ideal age to have your first child is 42. Your child turns 18 when you are 60. You will still have plenty of energy in your early 40's when your child is young. As your child needs you less as he gets older, you are in your 50's.
By waiting until you are 42 you have 24 years of adulthood without the enormous responsibility of raising a child. You have a chance to have all the experiences and adventures that are only possible when you are a young man.
You can get your college degree, or multiple degrees, or advanced degrees, start your career, change careers, start businesses and have a chance to fail without someone relying on you for their survival.
That is how it is.
That is why few married men with children rarely accomplish all that much.
That is why most of the advances in society, culture, technology, business, development, music, computers, arts are all done by younger men without the enormous and draining burdens of family.
If you want to be a mover and shaker of the world, you need to delay the marriage and kids as long as possible.
I Did Not Do That
I was 30 years old for my first and 34 for my second.
I love my kids and care for them to the best of my ability, but I was too young to have them.
I did not have a chance to do many things before I had them. I did not start making a good income until I was nearly 26. So I had no resources to do that much until then. So I did a lot between 26 and 30, but that is only 4 years. The last year was spent buying a house, moving, planning a wedding, having a wedding and starting to get old.
4 years is not enough time.
You need decades. You have to know yourself and determine for yourself when to have kids.
Happier dads are there for their children.
This is why it is so tragic for a child to not have a father. Who is going to take care of them? Who is going to drive them to the emergency room in the middle of the night? Who is going to get to the store before it closes to get some necessities?
Better dads do all that.
Who is going to buy the Christmas
toys, the school supplies, the new clothes and the food that is needed
every single day for years and years on end? The best dads have the
resources to do this or at least find a way to do it.
Who is going to be there when their adult child is running from an abusive spouse? This is supposed to be the father.
will find, once you have children, that no one really cares about your
children except for you. This has been one of the most heart breaking
things I have discovered once I had children.
It is not that other people go out of their way to hate your children, or hurt them, it is that many people hate all children and many people barely have enough energy to care for themselves. They have nothing to give others.
That is why, as a father, it is up to you to give everything to your kids. The best dads are able to easily take care of their children.
It is not all bad. Other people will be kind, and do good things for your kids from time to time.
But if you add up a few good episodes it will not compare to the day in, day out, year in, year out support you will need to provide.
The work involved with caring for babies and children up until about 10 to 12 years old is not good for men.
Getting up to feed them as babies, changing diapers, holding them, soothing them is not good for your career or for making you one of the happier dads.
You will lose out on opportunities for advancement when you are exhausted from all of this.
Dealing with sick young children home from school and shuttling them around to and from school, to activities, to doctor appointments an play dates will leave you frustrated and hating your life.
All this is solved by having kids with a woman who loves doing this stuff.
Of course you help. But you need her to do most of the work.
Of course you put in most of the money. This is the normal course of parenthood because it works.
The mother of your kids needs to have some type of job that contributes to the household budget but that allows her the flexibility to care for your children.
This is not an easy thing to hear, but it is critical.
If your wife has a big time career, you may find yourself more the stay home dad.
You won't be happy with that.
Happier dads are rich. The next happiest dads are at least doing well financially. I wish someone would be honest about how you have to a lot of money to take care of children.
It the most important thing to know about having children.
It is not the buying them toys or trinkets either.
You cannot give a child a good home without having lots of money.
Your Kids Rely on You
Your kids will rely on you for everything and you will not be able to deliver unless you have plenty of money.
You will not be able to provide them the support they need, the things they need and the experiences they need to have a good life.
The myth handed down forever is that do not need money to take care of your children well.
That is one of the biggest lies in the world.
If you aren't doing well financially the best your kids can hope for is a mediocre life. Many children will suffer living a miserable life of lack.
Religions and high levels of society say that this is good, children
need to suffer. They need to be bored. They need to know pain. It is for
their own good.
That idea is all wrong and happier dads know this.
No child should needlessly suffer, but many do. Most children do not have a good happier dad to care for them.
This is just a way to ensure a ever growing population of people who are good at suffering. Who are good at taking it. Who are good at being miserable and not saying too much.
Wait Until You Are Older and Have a Lot of Money
This is why it is critical to wait until you have the resources and this takes time.
If you already have
children, as I do, you must make the acquiring of resources your
highest priority. I want to be one of the best dads, but I am not. I
struggle. I suffer and my kids suffer.
You need to take care of them as best you can now and be working to do better as fast as you can and as hard as you can.
If you do not have children yet, you are lucky. You have time.
Start by taking care of yourself. You need to make yourself as big, as healthy, as powerful, as free and as rich as you can.
You need to treat yourself like a king. You need to have a wonderful life that is brimming with happiness and fulfillment.
Once you are at that point, you can then easily add people to be responsible for.
Most men do not do it this way. They have children when they can hardly afford to take care of themselves.
Think of it this way
If you cannot afford to get a new car of your choosing
every few years, live in a house of your choosing that you can easily
afford, travel as often as you like, eat exactly what you want, dress
well and do every other thing that you want before you have children,
how will you have any hope of providing for your children?
Once you have children you will need to have a good car that works well for them. It will have to be large and safe and new so you do not have to be continually getting it repaired.
You will need to have a larger home that works for your family.
You will need to be able to travel to visit friends and family and to give your kids some experiences.
You will need to be able to feed them and clothe them and do whatever it is that they need.
You will be a happier dad if you have some fun with your kids instead of just the normal dad stuff.
Normal Dad Responsibilities
Yes, the responsibilities are enormous and consuming. You cannot really let your guard down until they are grown and on their own earning a good living.
But it is nice to do a few fun things with your kids that you can afford that all of you will remember fondly.
seem to be the best for these types of memories. You are together for
many hours at a time, away from the normal day-to-day routines.
Because of the expense of traveling and paying for people besides yourself, it is critical that you have enough money to do it.
Even though I love traveling and would love to give my kids experiences like this, I just have not had the money to do it.
But every small trip is worth it.
All these traits of happier dads only work if you don't have too many kids. Two is nice. One is good too and a lot easier.
I don't write this because I am for population control. I don't care about that.
I only care about my happiness and how I can help other men become happier.
You will not be happy if you are overwhelmed with the burden and responsibility or raising too many children for an incredible number of years.
Each child needs a father who will love them unconditionally, take care of them extremely well and be in their corner for the rest of their father's life.
How can you do that and have any kind of life at all for yourself?
This website is for men who want to be happier dads and happier men, but it also applies to everyone.
Your kids may need to know how to get control of their lives too.
From Steve Pavlina
Some great advice for teenagers on how to deal with parents that are less than ideal.
My kids decided for themselves that they would not continue to live with their mother.
I only left their mother so she could not continue to destroy me. I was so weak, so beaten, so down, that I could not do anything for my kids at the time.
I needed time to heal, to build up my strength, to rest, to relax...to become a happier man.
The kids stayed with their mother from June 23, 2007 (the day I left) until my son came to be with me on December 13, 2010 and my daughter on June 16, 2011.
They decided, not me. I was hoping their mother would become a nice person once I left the home.
I was seriously wrong.
So the kids suffered for 3-1//2 and 4 years.
My son left her at 16 and my daughter at 12 and they have not spent one night with her since.
There aren't very many happier dads. But you can move over to this side if you want. You can have a wonderful, adventure filled life and be a great dad if you follow these traits.
And your children can grow up healthy, happy, loved, and taken care of extremely well. You will enjoy low stress fathering.
Most people have been raised in lack and poverty by parents who are overwhelmed with the burden and can barely take care of themselves and who are extremely far from happy.
But not you and not your children.
Now that you know the key traits you will be a happier dad.
Do you have a comment about this or something to add? Share it!